I wasn't ready for this. Definitely not.
I mean - we've planned and planned and talked and talked and yet when it actually happened, I felt sick to my stomach.
I think I'm getting ulcers.
The massive amount of coffee I've been drinking to fight off the yawns doesn't help the ulcers either.
Can we rewind a couple weeks? Or at least put it on pause?
No? Yah, didn't think so.
Love,
Your Dear Wife
---------------
The above letter was more or less expressed to Dear Husband tonight when I walked into this scene in my kitchen:
To be replaced by long banquet tables in some sort of makeshift, half-ass kitchen space.
I really don't think I can do this.
Cooking is something I love. It's my relaxation time. My zen time. My zone-out time. I love being creative in the kitchen.
Not going to happen for the next few weeks.
But what DH said tonight was encouraging. We are a team.
After I walked in, I went into panic mode. I needed to get dinner started so Little Miss and I could leave for dance and Little Man and DH could eat then go to t-ball. Then Little Miss and I would return from dance and have dinner ourselves. Then clean up. I started going 50 different directions (so unlike me, I know!). DH told me that he would stop what he was doing and make dinner so I could have a breather.
Now, if you know DH and if you know him during a project, stopping doesn't really happen until he is ready. So this is a big step. He's being super conscious of my anxiety during this and, in turn, being really sensitive to it.
So we worked as a team. I got some stuff out for dinner, he started it, then Little Miss and I left. When we got back, the boys had left so we had dinner then I cleaned up. Easy peasy. And much left stressful. Yay teamwork!
Because he helped out with dinner, I didn't even think twice about taking over the kids' bedtime routines. Normally that's his realm while I clean up but I took it on tonight because he was finishing pulling off trim in the den.
Teamwork.
I like the phrase "teamwork" better than "partnership" when describing marriage because it seems more accurate. Partnership to me implies a 50/50 break up of duties. Teamwork is a little more flexible. Each person on the team must work with the others to get it done. Some have more work than others at certain times but it's all necessary. And a team can extend to the kids, who are essential in this whole marriage puzzle.
It's hard. Really hard. And it's been a struggle for us to figure out. I've often felt I was taken for granted. When DH wanted me to help him with something, I did it, but when I wanted help with something it was like pulling teeth to get a response. I also have a tendency to overreact so when the latter did happen (or in my mind I thought it was happening) I blew it out of proportion and the argument went down the road of always, nevers, and every times. Dangerous words to throw out at any time because there are very few things in life that are 100% the same each time. We both felt unloved and disrespected at the end of the argument and nothing was ever really resolved.
This house-buying/remodeling experience has really given us a foothold down a different path. One of communication and teamwork. We've had several discussions about it and have clearly laid out our expectations. I've been more direct with what I want and what I don't and he the same. We've been able to rationalize a lot of stuff.
The other realization we've had is that we have a constant audience - Little Miss and Little Man. There have been times when they have disrespected each other in the nastiest of tones or they have talked to one of us like that, and it's basically like recording our arguments and playing them back later. Horrible reality to be smacked with.
There are still arguments. There will be. We are two individuals. But as long as we can approach them with a team attitude, then the argument will be much more productive towards a solution. And we'll be modeling much more positive behavior for our peanut gallery.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find DH's stash of Tums!
Cheers,
Megs
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