I'm weighed by a heavy heart this week. A dear friend's dad passed away on Monday. Luckily she was able to complete her all-night drive and be there an hour before he passed.
He was one of the most generous and genuine spirits I've ever known. I grew up with her and thus him. He coached me in softball. I went on trips with them. I had sleepovers at their house. I ate dinners and went to Christmas parties and worked on projects at their house. They came to our wedding. They gave my kids their first baseball gloves that they now use for t-ball.
He had cancer. We knew this was coming but that never prepares one for it. It's heartbreakingly sad. He was my friend's kindred spirit. I was often jealous of their relationship because they were so close.
When I got the news, I wanted to go home and be by myself. I wanted time for my brain to process it. I wanted to go find my dad. I wanted to call my mom. I wanted to call my friend.
But I couldn't. You see, even though life throws us huge challenges and emotional heartache to deal with individually, we aren't in this by ourselves. I couldn't go straight home after work. Groceries needed to be bought. Little Miss had dance class. Little Man was throwing fits beyond fits that needed to be handled. Dinner needed to be made. Heads put to bed. Etc. There has been no time to grieve. Eventually there will be but life continues to move on. Grief must enter into that movement.
It's been a couple days since he died. There still hasn't been a moment to grieve fully. I guess that's not how it happens. This isn't a movie. You don't get to sit in a bathroom and cry for hours. You have to get up and go to work and take care of your babies and house and dog.
I guess that's okay. Instead of wallowing in the grief, I was pushed through the so-called five stages of grief into the final one: acceptance. I knew he wouldn't want us sitting around being sad. That wasn't who he was. Instead, he'd want us to throw a party and celebrate his life. I think a lot of people are like that. We don't want our loved ones to be burdened by our deaths. We want them to celebrate our lives, remember the great moments, and continue living. We want them to remember us fondly but not fixate on the fact that we are no longer around.
So that's what I'm planning on doing. We will be there for my friend and her mom and sister. We will celebrate a great man's life. We will share stories and look at pictures and remember him. We will laugh. We will cry. We will contemplate. We will pray. We will strive to better ourselves.
Life is a cycle. It doesn't stop when we need it to; it just keeps going. And we need to roll with it.
Cheers,
Megs
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Post 50 - Wow!
Fifty posts. Big deal! I'm excited for it.
Just an update. We are crawling towards the end of the kitchen remodel. Little bits left. My brain is jumping ahead to other projects around the house which Dear Husband is desperately trying to restrain me from!
I've also been working diligently on getting up early to walk or do something if DH is gone. However, to do that I need to get to bed by 10:00 pm. But DH isn't the best influence on that. For example, last night I was able to get my stuff done before 10 but then he turned on one of my recent favorite shows: Friday Night Lights. My word!
I love this show and we had a huge hiatus from it during the remodel. Now Tammy T and Coach Taylor are back!!!! I really love this show. I really love the relationship of the Taylors. They are truly inspiring. Just their interactions and balance they are able to find amazes me.
So...since we are firing up another episode my word of advice tonight is catch an episode. :)
Cheers,
Megs
Just an update. We are crawling towards the end of the kitchen remodel. Little bits left. My brain is jumping ahead to other projects around the house which Dear Husband is desperately trying to restrain me from!
I've also been working diligently on getting up early to walk or do something if DH is gone. However, to do that I need to get to bed by 10:00 pm. But DH isn't the best influence on that. For example, last night I was able to get my stuff done before 10 but then he turned on one of my recent favorite shows: Friday Night Lights. My word!
I love this show and we had a huge hiatus from it during the remodel. Now Tammy T and Coach Taylor are back!!!! I really love this show. I really love the relationship of the Taylors. They are truly inspiring. Just their interactions and balance they are able to find amazes me.
So...since we are firing up another episode my word of advice tonight is catch an episode. :)
Cheers,
Megs
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Post 49 - A little DIY
Yes, it's been FOREVER since I've posted. We've survived week 1 of no daycare or school - ALLLLLL thanks to my amazing mom. The kids had "Grandma Camp" for the first three days and now they'll have "Dad Camp" for the next two.
Of course, when Grandma Camp was "over" they proceeded to cry and meltdown in the parking lot. :)
Partly they were melting down because they were exhausted. Thus why I'm sitting here at 8:30 in a silent house...well, almost silent. The dinging of Ellie's collar tags is about to drive me up the wall but there is no kid noise! Amazing.
The nice thing about an early bedtime is that it gave me time to finish up some last minute projects before Dear Husband got back from his week away (part drill/part football camp). I put up the covers on the outlets and light switches that were finished and decided to tackle our entry light.
This thing was ugly! Oh...hideous. Really flared out frosted glass and gold metal and dark wood. Ugh.
Of course, when Grandma Camp was "over" they proceeded to cry and meltdown in the parking lot. :)
Partly they were melting down because they were exhausted. Thus why I'm sitting here at 8:30 in a silent house...well, almost silent. The dinging of Ellie's collar tags is about to drive me up the wall but there is no kid noise! Amazing.
The nice thing about an early bedtime is that it gave me time to finish up some last minute projects before Dear Husband got back from his week away (part drill/part football camp). I put up the covers on the outlets and light switches that were finished and decided to tackle our entry light.
This thing was ugly! Oh...hideous. Really flared out frosted glass and gold metal and dark wood. Ugh.
This is the best picture I could find with the glass still in it. It's the light fixture on the right. You can kind of get an idea of the floral-flare-out awesomeness.
Here's a close up of the wood and goldish hardware. I put tinfoil over the inlets for the bulbs to keep the spray paint from coating them.
Here's the post-spray paint look. I used a hammered bronze spray, same as the heating grates.
And - yep - sprayed it on the ceiling. Would have been smarter to take the whole thing off but I was lazy. Some cardboard and ceiling paint for touch ups and good to go!
AND here is the final look!!!!
And with the lights on....ooooooo...
Each piece of glass was $4 and the spray paint was $7, I think. We had to get it anyway for our heating grates. I really liked the directional lighting this gives us at the entry and on both sets of stairs but I couldn't find another fixture like it. I'm pretty happy with the results.
Soon enough we'll have pictures of the BIG REVEAL! As I was looking through old pictures, I couldn't believe how UGLY our kitchen was before! They are going to be amazing before and after pictures!
But you'll have to wait!
Cheers -
Meghan
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Post 48 - Saying Thank You
This week is the last week Little Miss will attend daycare. It's a bittersweet time.
On one hand, I'm really excited that Little Man and Miss will once again be at the same place next year. It simplifies my mornings significantly. And I love, love, love the school that they'll be attending.
On the other hand, I'm really, really sad that my days of dropping kids off with Ms. Mandi are over. I love our daycare workers. It's mainly Ms. Mandi, her husband, and her mom. Occasionally she will have a sub but for the last three years, these have been the main care providers of my children. It is really hard to say goodbye.
Back to the sweet hand, Little Miss is taking Irish dance, which Ms. Mandi is heavily involved in so we aren't totally saying goodbye.
But it won't be the same.
These people are who took us in when we needed to find someone to watch our kids at a really young age. Little Man was two and Little Miss was 8 months old when she started. We had a really bad sampling experience with another daycare the day before. I hesitantly dropped Little Man off for another trial run and when my mom went to get him, she immediately called me ecstatic - we had found our daycare.
The kids started there when Ryan was gone. She took pictures of them chronicling their growth. She had them draw pictures for him. She made sure to talk about him daily. She kept a daily log of what they did and ate so I could email it to him. She was a huge support for that year and has been ever since.
But now it is time to move on.
How to say thank you to such wonderful people? I struggled with this. I wanted to give them a huge bonus but we couldn't afford that. So I trolled the blogs for ideas and came up with a pretty fun, appreciative package. At least I think so!
I procured two pots, some seeds, gardening gloves, a gift card to downtown and found a great poem that sums up how most moms feel about their daycare workers.
The seeds I got were 4 o'clocks, since that was the usual pick up time for us and alyssums....reminded me of the word asylum and the fact our kids didn't send the workers there! I did a little play-on-words for those tags then wrapped a tag around the pot saying "Thank you for helping me grow."
The gift cards are for several businesses downtown and can be used at any of them. I like to stay local so this was that flavor.
The poem is called "A Mother's Thank You." I typed that up and had Little Miss do her handprints next to it then found some simple frames to put them in.
Overall I think it turned out really cute. Here's a pic:
On one hand, I'm really excited that Little Man and Miss will once again be at the same place next year. It simplifies my mornings significantly. And I love, love, love the school that they'll be attending.
On the other hand, I'm really, really sad that my days of dropping kids off with Ms. Mandi are over. I love our daycare workers. It's mainly Ms. Mandi, her husband, and her mom. Occasionally she will have a sub but for the last three years, these have been the main care providers of my children. It is really hard to say goodbye.
Back to the sweet hand, Little Miss is taking Irish dance, which Ms. Mandi is heavily involved in so we aren't totally saying goodbye.
But it won't be the same.
These people are who took us in when we needed to find someone to watch our kids at a really young age. Little Man was two and Little Miss was 8 months old when she started. We had a really bad sampling experience with another daycare the day before. I hesitantly dropped Little Man off for another trial run and when my mom went to get him, she immediately called me ecstatic - we had found our daycare.
The kids started there when Ryan was gone. She took pictures of them chronicling their growth. She had them draw pictures for him. She made sure to talk about him daily. She kept a daily log of what they did and ate so I could email it to him. She was a huge support for that year and has been ever since.
But now it is time to move on.
How to say thank you to such wonderful people? I struggled with this. I wanted to give them a huge bonus but we couldn't afford that. So I trolled the blogs for ideas and came up with a pretty fun, appreciative package. At least I think so!
I procured two pots, some seeds, gardening gloves, a gift card to downtown and found a great poem that sums up how most moms feel about their daycare workers.
The seeds I got were 4 o'clocks, since that was the usual pick up time for us and alyssums....reminded me of the word asylum and the fact our kids didn't send the workers there! I did a little play-on-words for those tags then wrapped a tag around the pot saying "Thank you for helping me grow."
The gift cards are for several businesses downtown and can be used at any of them. I like to stay local so this was that flavor.
The poem is called "A Mother's Thank You." I typed that up and had Little Miss do her handprints next to it then found some simple frames to put them in.
Overall I think it turned out really cute. Here's a pic:
I really like the text of the poem, so here it is:
A Mother's Thank You
For all your patience...day to day,
For every tear you wipe away,
For "little hands" you gently hold,
And all the stories you have told,
For your consoling, tender heart,
And all the wisdom you impart,
For silly songs & quiet times,
For peaceful naps & nursery rhymes,
...
For all the sweet things that you do,
To help the children all year through,
For being there in place of me.
I'm grateful...and I'll always be!
The three dots about 2/3 of the way down were because there were some lines in the original poem that weren't in the poem I copied. These lines are:
for teaching children how to share,
for being kind & being fair,
for every shoe that you have tied,
and thoughtful words that instill pride...
I really like those lines and wish I had seen them before I typed up and painted the ones I'm giving! But alas, I did not so there they stand.
I need to get gift bags for them tomorrow then we'll deliver them on Friday. I'm sure there will be some tears.
Then next week....it'll be Dear Husband's turn to provide the care! Bring on Daddy Camp!
Cheers,
Megs
PS: Anyone else have some great ideas that have been popular with daycare workers or preschool teachers? We need to show our appreciation for these people to whom we entrust our children's lives and good ideas can be hard to find!
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Post 47 - The Working Out Dilemma
I came across this list and found myself chuckling at many of the things the dear husband listed:
http://www.toulouseandtonic.com/top-10-sucky-things-about-being-married-to-a-pregnant-woman/
He brings up some valid points and ones we can laugh about a few months looking back. But then there are always new "sucky" things to dread.
I recently wondered if Dear Husband was going to be creating his own list soon. However...
Good news: DH won't have to deal with those things for awhile longer.
Bad news: My "am I pregnant?" gut means I've just been denying the lack of physical activity's effect on my body! Time to figure something out.
Any tips on fitting in a workout during the chaos of motherhood?
I finally decided I needed to bite the bullet and drag my tired bum out of bed at 5 AM to get a walk in. Maybe eventually I'll graduate to running (ha!) or another type of workout but for now a walk is a good start.
You see, I used to be pretty active. When I was teaching, I walked a lot and swam and did yoga. Then came pregnancy and I still walked a bit. Then came another pregnancy and an office job where I sit alllllll day. My kids force me to be active to a point but I found myself being winded with simple runs around the yard. That's not the kind of mom I want to be.
So I'm stepping it up. By getting up. Early. Did I mention 5 AM?
I know a lot of people do it. It's a great time to do it especially in the summer. It just means that I need to be in bed by 10 PM to get a decent amount of sleep and not snooze through the alarms. That means less "date" time with DH watching "our shows." That means less time to finish my to-do list.
There are trade-offs to getting in shape I guess.
I just need to continue the motivation. I was motivated when I first started this blog to get up early and write, have coffee, and some me-time. That, sadly, fell to the wayside. Life happens. Late nights come around. Stomaches appear. Kids get up (like Little Miss did the night before last thus pushing back my start date). So what can keep me motivated?
Not sure. Until my kids are older and can stay sleeping alone, it's a solo workout so I can't count on DH. My dog is some motivation since she needs to lose some weight, too. My own general physical and mental health is motivation. My energy level is motivation. My brother's wedding in August is motivation. My wonderment as to my own pregnancy state is definitely motivation. I don't want others wondering if I'm pregnant. I want them (and me!) to know I'm pregnant!
So there we go. I have about seven minutes to get a little bit more unpacking of the kitchen done then head to bed.
Cheers,
Megs
http://www.toulouseandtonic.com/top-10-sucky-things-about-being-married-to-a-pregnant-woman/
He brings up some valid points and ones we can laugh about a few months looking back. But then there are always new "sucky" things to dread.
I recently wondered if Dear Husband was going to be creating his own list soon. However...
Good news: DH won't have to deal with those things for awhile longer.
Bad news: My "am I pregnant?" gut means I've just been denying the lack of physical activity's effect on my body! Time to figure something out.
Any tips on fitting in a workout during the chaos of motherhood?
I finally decided I needed to bite the bullet and drag my tired bum out of bed at 5 AM to get a walk in. Maybe eventually I'll graduate to running (ha!) or another type of workout but for now a walk is a good start.
You see, I used to be pretty active. When I was teaching, I walked a lot and swam and did yoga. Then came pregnancy and I still walked a bit. Then came another pregnancy and an office job where I sit alllllll day. My kids force me to be active to a point but I found myself being winded with simple runs around the yard. That's not the kind of mom I want to be.
So I'm stepping it up. By getting up. Early. Did I mention 5 AM?
I know a lot of people do it. It's a great time to do it especially in the summer. It just means that I need to be in bed by 10 PM to get a decent amount of sleep and not snooze through the alarms. That means less "date" time with DH watching "our shows." That means less time to finish my to-do list.
There are trade-offs to getting in shape I guess.
I just need to continue the motivation. I was motivated when I first started this blog to get up early and write, have coffee, and some me-time. That, sadly, fell to the wayside. Life happens. Late nights come around. Stomaches appear. Kids get up (like Little Miss did the night before last thus pushing back my start date). So what can keep me motivated?
Not sure. Until my kids are older and can stay sleeping alone, it's a solo workout so I can't count on DH. My dog is some motivation since she needs to lose some weight, too. My own general physical and mental health is motivation. My energy level is motivation. My brother's wedding in August is motivation. My wonderment as to my own pregnancy state is definitely motivation. I don't want others wondering if I'm pregnant. I want them (and me!) to know I'm pregnant!
So there we go. I have about seven minutes to get a little bit more unpacking of the kitchen done then head to bed.
Cheers,
Megs
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Day 46 - Almost There!
I guess I need to rename my titles "Post 46" versus "Day." I've definitely fallen off the posting-every-day wagon.
But, alas, I have good reason!!
Besides a whirlwind trip to visit grandparents six hours away and the usual home maintenance things plus Tball and dance for Little Man and Little Miss respectively and trying to cook in our makeshift kitchen....Dear Husband has been working diligently on the kitchen. I mean.....REALLY diligently.
Here is where I've been cooking recently and an example of the methods I've resorted to:
Here is what the paint job and sanded floors look like. We had our guy finish them over the long weekend so we came home to beautiful albeit smelly floors.
And here is a teaser for the cabinets and appliances. LOVE:
Remodeling teaches us many things. It teaches us to be resourceful and challenges our patience...on many levels. I'm always amazed at how messy it can be but what surprised me this go around was how smelly it was! Paint fumes I expected but the floor finish plus the cabinet smell made us all nauseous the first night back. Thus I've spent the last two nights washing sheets so we aren't breathing in the fumes all night long! I'm sure our clothes will smell lovely for awhile....but I'll be darned if I'm washing all of those!!
I'll be sure to give the final reveal next week! And I'll try to do better at posting this week.
In the meantime, if you're bored, we still have trim to paint!
Cheers,
Megs
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Day 45 - In the Works
I know I haven't been as consistent posting lately.
But in a couple days, I'll put up some pics of the remodel so you can see why I haven't been able to post!
Things are really coming together and I'm getting pretty durn excited. Hopefully I'll have a real kitchen back soon!
So stay tuned....
Cheers,
Megs
But in a couple days, I'll put up some pics of the remodel so you can see why I haven't been able to post!
Things are really coming together and I'm getting pretty durn excited. Hopefully I'll have a real kitchen back soon!
So stay tuned....
Cheers,
Megs
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Day 44 - Express Elevator
There are always ups and downs in life. This is just the inevitable fact of it. Some people are really good at rolling with those hills. Others get a little nauseous.
Dear Husband is the former.
Dear me is the latter.
The word "steady" would rarely be used to describe my emotional state at any given moment. I've been told that being around me is like riding an express elevator of emotions. As much as I hate to admit it - it's entirely true.
You see, I wish I could be steady. I wish I could be a solid foundation. I wish I could keep my rational sense about me. I wish I could see through the emotion of a moment to the other side. I wish I could be more like DH.
But I'm can't.
Because I'm not.
Ever since I can remember, I've kept my emotions under close guard until I explode - either through frustration or tears or joy. It doesn't matter the emotion. Eventually it will come out all at once. Sometimes all three all at once!
I can get emotional about anything. I internalize everything. I explain it by saying I'm very empathetic. DH explains it by saying I'm irrational. Probably both are true. It's hard for me to separate myself from a situation. Thus why we had to quit watching Criminal Minds. I was internalizing the show much too much. And also why I cry at certain commercials. Or when reading sentimental cards.
I have started to notice how my up and down of emotions is affecting my family. The kids have begun mimicking my valleys and hills. I don't know if they realize what they are doing but they will be perfectly happy one minute then crying the next. They say kids pick up on the emotions of the adults around them. Why couldn't they pick up DH's emotions???
I believe emotions are healthy. Expressing those emotions is healthier yet. However, the severe ups and downs do make it hard to predict one's responses or ability to handle certain situations. When the response is unknown, one might take steps to avoid it altogether. This has happened a lot between DH and I. He doesn't know how I'll react or he assumes how I'll react so he avoids the situation. Or the conversation. Besides comparing me to an elevator, he's also described me as a dolphin and he a steady ship. The dolphin goes up and down through the waves as the ship steers its course breaking through the current.
He is the rational one. He is the rock of the family. He is my steady and true. This is good. It keeps me grounded. It keeps us on course. But it also makes it difficult to have spontaneous discussions and develop what if scenarios. For example, the discussion of the third child. I definitely go back and forth. He stays true to his feelings. This gets frustrating for me because I want to convince him to do it but because I'm not 100% convinced myself, he doesn't buy my arguments.
I am convinced, however, that one can't be steady all the time. Emotions come out at one point or another. It's the balance in life. The key is to find someone who is steady as you skyrocket and fall or vice versa. Balance. Balancing relationships. Balancing emotions.
Finding this balance isn't easy. I was lucky enough to find a person who brings me into balance the majority of the time. I pray he continues to have patience and understanding with me!
Cheers,
Megs
Dear Husband is the former.
Dear me is the latter.
The word "steady" would rarely be used to describe my emotional state at any given moment. I've been told that being around me is like riding an express elevator of emotions. As much as I hate to admit it - it's entirely true.
You see, I wish I could be steady. I wish I could be a solid foundation. I wish I could keep my rational sense about me. I wish I could see through the emotion of a moment to the other side. I wish I could be more like DH.
But I'm can't.
Because I'm not.
Ever since I can remember, I've kept my emotions under close guard until I explode - either through frustration or tears or joy. It doesn't matter the emotion. Eventually it will come out all at once. Sometimes all three all at once!
I can get emotional about anything. I internalize everything. I explain it by saying I'm very empathetic. DH explains it by saying I'm irrational. Probably both are true. It's hard for me to separate myself from a situation. Thus why we had to quit watching Criminal Minds. I was internalizing the show much too much. And also why I cry at certain commercials. Or when reading sentimental cards.
I have started to notice how my up and down of emotions is affecting my family. The kids have begun mimicking my valleys and hills. I don't know if they realize what they are doing but they will be perfectly happy one minute then crying the next. They say kids pick up on the emotions of the adults around them. Why couldn't they pick up DH's emotions???
I believe emotions are healthy. Expressing those emotions is healthier yet. However, the severe ups and downs do make it hard to predict one's responses or ability to handle certain situations. When the response is unknown, one might take steps to avoid it altogether. This has happened a lot between DH and I. He doesn't know how I'll react or he assumes how I'll react so he avoids the situation. Or the conversation. Besides comparing me to an elevator, he's also described me as a dolphin and he a steady ship. The dolphin goes up and down through the waves as the ship steers its course breaking through the current.
He is the rational one. He is the rock of the family. He is my steady and true. This is good. It keeps me grounded. It keeps us on course. But it also makes it difficult to have spontaneous discussions and develop what if scenarios. For example, the discussion of the third child. I definitely go back and forth. He stays true to his feelings. This gets frustrating for me because I want to convince him to do it but because I'm not 100% convinced myself, he doesn't buy my arguments.
I am convinced, however, that one can't be steady all the time. Emotions come out at one point or another. It's the balance in life. The key is to find someone who is steady as you skyrocket and fall or vice versa. Balance. Balancing relationships. Balancing emotions.
Finding this balance isn't easy. I was lucky enough to find a person who brings me into balance the majority of the time. I pray he continues to have patience and understanding with me!
Cheers,
Megs
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Day 43 - Mother's Day
Today was/is Mother's Day. A day to honor, remember, and appreciate our mothers and those who have shown us motherly love. Motherhood extends far beyond those that physically brought us into this world. It extends to all those who have guided us and nurtured our lives within this world.
I was recently shown a blog post that was an open letter to pastors. It addressed the issue of Sunday morning church when the mothers are given a blessing (usually as they stand). The author felt particularly uncomfortable and angry when she could not stand. So she wrote the following reflection for pastors to consider:
http://www.messymiddle.com/2012/05/10/an-open-letter-to-pastors-a-non-mom-speaks-about-mothers-day/
Since I had recently read this blog, I wondered what today's Mass would be like. There would be plenty of mothers there, certainly. Would they give flowers to the mothers like they used to do at my hometown parish? Would there be a standing blessing? Would he say anything? Would the homily be about mothers? After all, the parish is named after the Mother of Jesus!
No mention was made except during the prayers of intention. And then at the end. He made an excellent point of being very inclusive of those mothers and those that give motherly love. And gifts were given out in the gathering space after Mass was 100% over to pretty much any female that showed an indication of wanting one. They were magnets with a blessing for daughters of God.
I thought that the way the priest and parish handled Mothers' Day was quite respectful and inclusive.
I do get slightly perturbed at people who believe no blessing should be given at church to Mothers or Fathers or Grandparents or whomever on their respectful days. It's not just a blessing for those physically there but also for those held in our hearts. That extends to the mystical nature of the Catholic Church (an entire blog altogether!). We don't believe we are singular in the celebration of Mass. Those in our hearts and thoughts are with us there as well.
So on this Mother's Day, blessings are extended to mothers, grandmothers, godmothers, aunts, aunties, and any and all women who show motherly love to others. May understanding and strength continue to be your blessings.
Cheers,
Megs
I was recently shown a blog post that was an open letter to pastors. It addressed the issue of Sunday morning church when the mothers are given a blessing (usually as they stand). The author felt particularly uncomfortable and angry when she could not stand. So she wrote the following reflection for pastors to consider:
http://www.messymiddle.com/2012/05/10/an-open-letter-to-pastors-a-non-mom-speaks-about-mothers-day/
Since I had recently read this blog, I wondered what today's Mass would be like. There would be plenty of mothers there, certainly. Would they give flowers to the mothers like they used to do at my hometown parish? Would there be a standing blessing? Would he say anything? Would the homily be about mothers? After all, the parish is named after the Mother of Jesus!
No mention was made except during the prayers of intention. And then at the end. He made an excellent point of being very inclusive of those mothers and those that give motherly love. And gifts were given out in the gathering space after Mass was 100% over to pretty much any female that showed an indication of wanting one. They were magnets with a blessing for daughters of God.
I thought that the way the priest and parish handled Mothers' Day was quite respectful and inclusive.
I do get slightly perturbed at people who believe no blessing should be given at church to Mothers or Fathers or Grandparents or whomever on their respectful days. It's not just a blessing for those physically there but also for those held in our hearts. That extends to the mystical nature of the Catholic Church (an entire blog altogether!). We don't believe we are singular in the celebration of Mass. Those in our hearts and thoughts are with us there as well.
So on this Mother's Day, blessings are extended to mothers, grandmothers, godmothers, aunts, aunties, and any and all women who show motherly love to others. May understanding and strength continue to be your blessings.
Cheers,
Megs
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Day 42 - Progress on the house...
Things are coming along. Today was one of the final messy days (I hope!). Electrical got 99% finished, sheetrock went up, taping and mudding got through phase one and our floor got another cleaning.
Yesterday, our walls looked like this:
Tonight, after the hard work of Dear Husband and Dear Father-in-Law and Mother-in-Law, the walls looked like this:
And our dog looked like this:
Yesterday, our walls looked like this:
Tonight, after the hard work of Dear Husband and Dear Father-in-Law and Mother-in-Law, the walls looked like this:
And our dog looked like this:
BIG HUGE WONDERFUL Thank You to my family who has taken on this whole project especially my parents in law and DH. They travel to work on this and it's much appreciated. Also a big thanks to my parents for taking the kids or feeding us dinner and listening to us talk about it on a daily basis.
We couldn't do things like this without our families and friends.
Cheers,
Megs
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Day 41 - Darkness and Light
A few days ago, I reflected on nurturing relationships. Meeting the person you are with where they are at during a certain emotional time. Being present. Obviously this extends to all our relationships, but especially to our kids.
A struggle I've been having lately is feeling a different connection with my children. The bond with Little Man is unique and one I don't have with Little Miss. Maybe she and I are bonded differently and it's more subtle (if that word can be used to describe the two of us!). I worry, though, that the more tangible connection I have with Little Man negatively affects my relationship with Little Miss. Probably unfounded but a mom will worry.
With Little Man, I was blessed to stay at home for his first two years. I worked, but I could also go to story time and do things during the day. There was more one-on-one when he was tiny. We would sit in the yard on a blanket and watch ants and the clouds and put our feet on the grass. We'd take tons of walks and listen to music.
With Little Miss, I started working part time when she was just a couple months old and that quickly grew to full time. She started daycare at 8 months and has been there since. I carry that guilt with me. I feel like I've missed out on so much time because of work. However, I also recognize that had I not gone to work and had some adult interaction, the year Dear Husband was deployed would have been a much darker time for me.
So maybe it's the fact that she had her one-on-one time with other kids and adults versus me that has created the different connection.
I'll also admit that after I had Little Miss, I was slipping into depression. I was in a dark place for quite awhile. Not publicly but privately; it was pretty unhappy. We found out about DH's deployment when I was newly pregnant with her so that doom lurked over me like a cloak waiting to envelope me for much of that time. I was so excited when she came but somehow felt separate from her. The fact that I started working soon after added to the weight of the cloak. Then a couple months after that, I had to stop nursing. Again, the cloak got heavier.
Not having DH there to help pull me out only made it worse. I had a lot of good moments but there were some really unhappy ones where the whining and crying and wants and needs became too much and I yelled and snapped and was irrational. I hope and pray daily that the more memories we make post-deployment, the less my kids remember me during deployment. I was not a happy mom or wife.
It's hard to admit any of that because there's the expectation that military wives are superwomen. We can handle it. We've been prepped for it. No matter how many times a deployment happens, though, one is never prepared. Life changes. Circumstances change. They only become more difficult.
It's also hard to admit any of this because of DH. Who am I to complain when he missed an entire year of our lives? Birthdays, Christmas, first steps, words, trips, etc. I don't think I'll ever comprehend the depth of his sorrow or guilt for being gone. I understand the reasoning behind those feelings but I haven't even been gone from them more than a few nights versus an entire year. Who am I to say anything about that year?
So maybe it's because she came at a darker time in life that has developed this separated feeling. As I type this, though, I'm realizing it's probably more frustration at myself for not allowing her to lighten that time of my life.
Whatever it may be (and it's probably a combination of all), I have guilt for feeling this way. I need to love my children equitably. I do, but I don't always feel that way.
How does one nurture that connection? How does one create/strengthen the bond?
Life is drastically different now. I'm a much healthier version of myself mentally. The cloak has been pushed off and that weight is significantly less now. I still feel waves of it occasionally - usually when I'm tired or irritable. Then the snappiness and yelling returns. Then the guilt comes full strength for allowing the darkness to reenter in to my life. It's a snowball effect.
My challenge to myself is to make the effort to connect deeper with Little Miss. To create our moments and memories. To push that darkness further away and allow her incredible light in. She has a beautiful, independent spirit that I want to nurture and help grow. She is going to move mountains and I want to be her support to do so.
I just need to find the stepping off point.
....
Cheers,
Megs
A struggle I've been having lately is feeling a different connection with my children. The bond with Little Man is unique and one I don't have with Little Miss. Maybe she and I are bonded differently and it's more subtle (if that word can be used to describe the two of us!). I worry, though, that the more tangible connection I have with Little Man negatively affects my relationship with Little Miss. Probably unfounded but a mom will worry.
With Little Man, I was blessed to stay at home for his first two years. I worked, but I could also go to story time and do things during the day. There was more one-on-one when he was tiny. We would sit in the yard on a blanket and watch ants and the clouds and put our feet on the grass. We'd take tons of walks and listen to music.
With Little Miss, I started working part time when she was just a couple months old and that quickly grew to full time. She started daycare at 8 months and has been there since. I carry that guilt with me. I feel like I've missed out on so much time because of work. However, I also recognize that had I not gone to work and had some adult interaction, the year Dear Husband was deployed would have been a much darker time for me.
So maybe it's the fact that she had her one-on-one time with other kids and adults versus me that has created the different connection.
I'll also admit that after I had Little Miss, I was slipping into depression. I was in a dark place for quite awhile. Not publicly but privately; it was pretty unhappy. We found out about DH's deployment when I was newly pregnant with her so that doom lurked over me like a cloak waiting to envelope me for much of that time. I was so excited when she came but somehow felt separate from her. The fact that I started working soon after added to the weight of the cloak. Then a couple months after that, I had to stop nursing. Again, the cloak got heavier.
Not having DH there to help pull me out only made it worse. I had a lot of good moments but there were some really unhappy ones where the whining and crying and wants and needs became too much and I yelled and snapped and was irrational. I hope and pray daily that the more memories we make post-deployment, the less my kids remember me during deployment. I was not a happy mom or wife.
It's hard to admit any of that because there's the expectation that military wives are superwomen. We can handle it. We've been prepped for it. No matter how many times a deployment happens, though, one is never prepared. Life changes. Circumstances change. They only become more difficult.
It's also hard to admit any of this because of DH. Who am I to complain when he missed an entire year of our lives? Birthdays, Christmas, first steps, words, trips, etc. I don't think I'll ever comprehend the depth of his sorrow or guilt for being gone. I understand the reasoning behind those feelings but I haven't even been gone from them more than a few nights versus an entire year. Who am I to say anything about that year?
So maybe it's because she came at a darker time in life that has developed this separated feeling. As I type this, though, I'm realizing it's probably more frustration at myself for not allowing her to lighten that time of my life.
Whatever it may be (and it's probably a combination of all), I have guilt for feeling this way. I need to love my children equitably. I do, but I don't always feel that way.
How does one nurture that connection? How does one create/strengthen the bond?
Life is drastically different now. I'm a much healthier version of myself mentally. The cloak has been pushed off and that weight is significantly less now. I still feel waves of it occasionally - usually when I'm tired or irritable. Then the snappiness and yelling returns. Then the guilt comes full strength for allowing the darkness to reenter in to my life. It's a snowball effect.
My challenge to myself is to make the effort to connect deeper with Little Miss. To create our moments and memories. To push that darkness further away and allow her incredible light in. She has a beautiful, independent spirit that I want to nurture and help grow. She is going to move mountains and I want to be her support to do so.
I just need to find the stepping off point.
....
Cheers,
Megs
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Day 40 - Be kind to one another...
I've been reflective lately and jotting down ideas for future posts. I'm really excited about them!
But as I went through the process of writing and developing this blog, I decided I would rough out a schedule of what days to post certain subjects. That would help balance this whole thing and I wouldn't bore you with the details of our kitchen remodel. (Which is going alright, thank you for asking!)
So Wednesdays are my night of focusing on one person, place, or thing that I am obsessed/in love with. The reflective stuff will have to wait for the proper nights because...
Tonight, the person is ELLEN!
My goodness - this woman is incredibly inspirational. So completely genuine and honest and funny! Even Little Miss is obsessed with "the funny girl." Somewhere on my phone or computer I have video of her sobbing on the floor of the kitchen because Ellen's show went to commercial and she thought the funny girl wasn't coming back. It's heartbreaking and hilarious as only a child can be.
The reasons I'm slightly obsessed with her include (but are not exclusive to) the following:
- She stands up for what she believes in
- She truly believes in being kind to others and acts on that constantly
- Her goal in life is to make others happy
- She is hilarious.
She is the kind of person one would think they could sit down and have a nice cup of coffee with. I love being able to sit down at 4:00 and watch her show with the kids.
Here are some clips from her show that had me laughing out loud at work today:
See what I mean? She just brings joy to life.
Happy Wednesday!
Cheers,
Megs
But as I went through the process of writing and developing this blog, I decided I would rough out a schedule of what days to post certain subjects. That would help balance this whole thing and I wouldn't bore you with the details of our kitchen remodel. (Which is going alright, thank you for asking!)
So Wednesdays are my night of focusing on one person, place, or thing that I am obsessed/in love with. The reflective stuff will have to wait for the proper nights because...
Tonight, the person is ELLEN!
My goodness - this woman is incredibly inspirational. So completely genuine and honest and funny! Even Little Miss is obsessed with "the funny girl." Somewhere on my phone or computer I have video of her sobbing on the floor of the kitchen because Ellen's show went to commercial and she thought the funny girl wasn't coming back. It's heartbreaking and hilarious as only a child can be.
The reasons I'm slightly obsessed with her include (but are not exclusive to) the following:
- She stands up for what she believes in
- She truly believes in being kind to others and acts on that constantly
- Her goal in life is to make others happy
- She is hilarious.
She is the kind of person one would think they could sit down and have a nice cup of coffee with. I love being able to sit down at 4:00 and watch her show with the kids.
Here are some clips from her show that had me laughing out loud at work today:
See what I mean? She just brings joy to life.
Happy Wednesday!
Cheers,
Megs
Monday, May 6, 2013
Day 39 - Monday Munchies
Mondays are food days. It gives me some balance at the beginning of the week. I look over our menu for the week and double check any meetings or activities that we have going on. It helps me set the week.
That's dinner.
Lunches are a whole different story.
I struggle when packing lunches. I want Little Man to have a good variety of foods and stuff he likes so he'll eat it and things that are easy to toss in the lunchbox. The great thing is that leftovers are always acceptable since he can heat things up at school. The bad thing is that he's not always keen on those leftovers.
So I consulted a very trusted source: my sister-in-law. She has two boys going to school so I figured she had to have some great lunch ideas in her back pocket. Plus if I could tell Little Man that Cousin #1 and Cousin #2 had favorite lunches, he might be more keen on eating them.
Here are some go-to winners for those days you are stuck:
Granola with yogurt, hard-boiled egg, and fruit - Little Man's and Cousin #2's favorite
Tuna Salad packs with fruit - Cousin #1's favorite, not so much for Little Man
Homemade lunchables (cheese, crackers, meat, fruit, veg, treat)
Meat and Cheese sandwich with chips, fruit, yogurt/gogurt
Vegs with hummus, crackers, and string cheese
Trail mix (almonds, craisins, choc chips or M&Ms) with yogurt, fruit
Mini banana muffins with fruit, yogurt
"Grilled" cheese (toast with sliced cheese wrapped in foil to warm up in the oven), crackers, fruit, veg
Cheese wrap (taco shell with shredded cheese in it - wrapped in foil to warm up in the oven), fruit, veg
And, of course, leftovers
To give you an idea of the leftovers, tomorrow he is having the hamburger he didn't eat for dinner. I wrapped it in foil so he could warm it up. He's also having cantaloupe and green pepper slices with hummus. I thought about chips, but I'm sure he'd eat those instead of his lunch so I'll save those for after school snack.
Coming up with the sides can sometimes be a pain, too. My fruits/vegs include:
Applesauce (in the to-go squeeze packs)
Fresh fruit (apple - small ones, cuties oranges, banana, mango slices, pineapple chunks, cantaloupe chunks, or watermelon - slices or chunks)
Fresh vegs (carrots, celery sticks, cucumbers, broccoli, cauliflower, sugar snap peas, pepper strips)
For yogurts, I try to get Greek yogurts (he loves honey-vanilla). They have more protein so it's more bang for the buck. Gogurts are handy, too, because I freeze them and use them as the ice pack. By lunch, they are thawed.
I used to put a treat in daily but he was eating that and not the rest of his lunch so I cut back. Now it's actually a treat when I sneak one in there! I also use the trail mix to fill out a lunch if I think it's a bit light.
Looking at the list, I realize I'm spoiling him with lunches. Growing up, we usually got PB & J or Honey, chips, applesauce or cut up bananas. Done and done. We also usually got a sweet note on our napkins. My mom never would have catered to our tastebuds for cold lunch. But she also had six kids. Might be a different story next year when Little Miss joins him in the school lunches. I'm going to have to come up with a weekly menu and rotate it!
Hopefully you can find some ideas to get you through the next lunch rut, either for your kids or you!
If you are still stuck, check out this chick's master list (and super cute pics): http://wendolonia.com/blog/bento-box-basics/lunch-box-idea-list/ . I've gotten a ton of ideas from her.
(Although I still haven't looked in depth as to what bento boxes are....any clues? The seem complicated!)
Cheers,
Megs
That's dinner.
Lunches are a whole different story.
I struggle when packing lunches. I want Little Man to have a good variety of foods and stuff he likes so he'll eat it and things that are easy to toss in the lunchbox. The great thing is that leftovers are always acceptable since he can heat things up at school. The bad thing is that he's not always keen on those leftovers.
So I consulted a very trusted source: my sister-in-law. She has two boys going to school so I figured she had to have some great lunch ideas in her back pocket. Plus if I could tell Little Man that Cousin #1 and Cousin #2 had favorite lunches, he might be more keen on eating them.
Here are some go-to winners for those days you are stuck:
Granola with yogurt, hard-boiled egg, and fruit - Little Man's and Cousin #2's favorite
Tuna Salad packs with fruit - Cousin #1's favorite, not so much for Little Man
Homemade lunchables (cheese, crackers, meat, fruit, veg, treat)
Meat and Cheese sandwich with chips, fruit, yogurt/gogurt
Vegs with hummus, crackers, and string cheese
Trail mix (almonds, craisins, choc chips or M&Ms) with yogurt, fruit
Mini banana muffins with fruit, yogurt
"Grilled" cheese (toast with sliced cheese wrapped in foil to warm up in the oven), crackers, fruit, veg
Cheese wrap (taco shell with shredded cheese in it - wrapped in foil to warm up in the oven), fruit, veg
And, of course, leftovers
To give you an idea of the leftovers, tomorrow he is having the hamburger he didn't eat for dinner. I wrapped it in foil so he could warm it up. He's also having cantaloupe and green pepper slices with hummus. I thought about chips, but I'm sure he'd eat those instead of his lunch so I'll save those for after school snack.
Coming up with the sides can sometimes be a pain, too. My fruits/vegs include:
Applesauce (in the to-go squeeze packs)
Fresh fruit (apple - small ones, cuties oranges, banana, mango slices, pineapple chunks, cantaloupe chunks, or watermelon - slices or chunks)
Fresh vegs (carrots, celery sticks, cucumbers, broccoli, cauliflower, sugar snap peas, pepper strips)
For yogurts, I try to get Greek yogurts (he loves honey-vanilla). They have more protein so it's more bang for the buck. Gogurts are handy, too, because I freeze them and use them as the ice pack. By lunch, they are thawed.
I used to put a treat in daily but he was eating that and not the rest of his lunch so I cut back. Now it's actually a treat when I sneak one in there! I also use the trail mix to fill out a lunch if I think it's a bit light.
Looking at the list, I realize I'm spoiling him with lunches. Growing up, we usually got PB & J or Honey, chips, applesauce or cut up bananas. Done and done. We also usually got a sweet note on our napkins. My mom never would have catered to our tastebuds for cold lunch. But she also had six kids. Might be a different story next year when Little Miss joins him in the school lunches. I'm going to have to come up with a weekly menu and rotate it!
Hopefully you can find some ideas to get you through the next lunch rut, either for your kids or you!
If you are still stuck, check out this chick's master list (and super cute pics): http://wendolonia.com/blog/bento-box-basics/lunch-box-idea-list/ . I've gotten a ton of ideas from her.
(Although I still haven't looked in depth as to what bento boxes are....any clues? The seem complicated!)
Cheers,
Megs
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Day 38 - Sundays...
I got nothing.
Tonight is an inspirational-less.
I'm sitting eating leftover (delicious!) Tiramisu from the local Italian restaurant.
And watching Scandal.
And I can't think of anything to write. Kind of lame, right?
Few highlights from today:
Amazing Sunday morning pre-church - lots of time to play (considering Little Man was up at 6:30)
First Communion at church - such cute little babes!
Great lunch with grandparents
Working in flower gardens at grandparents' house
Amazing Cinco De Mayo dinner
Electrical work halfway done by Dear Husband (and friend, i.e. licensed electrician)
It was nice being out of the house for the day. It gave me a chance to hang out with the kids and my parents. I didn't have to do any of the 100 things on my list (except I did make enchiladas - triple batch!). But I also got to dig in the dirt with my kids. I discovered that Little Miss is extremely terrified of worms ("snakes") and any bug that flies and that Little Man will protect his sister against those aggressors (by "sucking them up in a vacuum").
I discovered that I have no idea where to start in the clean up of our own flower beds. Or under the trees. Or the bushes. I don't even know what any of the plants are. Well, except the one tree I had to take a picture of to send to the extension agency because Ellie was eating the berries. It's a Mountain Ash - non poisonous. Good thing, because there's no way of getting that dog to stop eating.
I discovered that my husband constantly amazes me with his patience and skills. He worked all day to figure out the new lights and he has plans for the rest of the month to finish this project. This is between teaching full time, coordinating track, going to drill weekends, and being a dad and husband. See - amazing.
(Sigh)
Time for me to step it up. Painting - here I come!!!
...
Have I mentioned that I detest painting? In every sense of the word. But if DH can put in this much time and sweat and stress so far, the least I can do is roll up my sleeves and some walls!
Cheers,
Megs
Tonight is an inspirational-less.
I'm sitting eating leftover (delicious!) Tiramisu from the local Italian restaurant.
And watching Scandal.
And I can't think of anything to write. Kind of lame, right?
Few highlights from today:
Amazing Sunday morning pre-church - lots of time to play (considering Little Man was up at 6:30)
First Communion at church - such cute little babes!
Great lunch with grandparents
Working in flower gardens at grandparents' house
Amazing Cinco De Mayo dinner
Electrical work halfway done by Dear Husband (and friend, i.e. licensed electrician)
It was nice being out of the house for the day. It gave me a chance to hang out with the kids and my parents. I didn't have to do any of the 100 things on my list (except I did make enchiladas - triple batch!). But I also got to dig in the dirt with my kids. I discovered that Little Miss is extremely terrified of worms ("snakes") and any bug that flies and that Little Man will protect his sister against those aggressors (by "sucking them up in a vacuum").
I discovered that I have no idea where to start in the clean up of our own flower beds. Or under the trees. Or the bushes. I don't even know what any of the plants are. Well, except the one tree I had to take a picture of to send to the extension agency because Ellie was eating the berries. It's a Mountain Ash - non poisonous. Good thing, because there's no way of getting that dog to stop eating.
I discovered that my husband constantly amazes me with his patience and skills. He worked all day to figure out the new lights and he has plans for the rest of the month to finish this project. This is between teaching full time, coordinating track, going to drill weekends, and being a dad and husband. See - amazing.
(Sigh)
Time for me to step it up. Painting - here I come!!!
...
Have I mentioned that I detest painting? In every sense of the word. But if DH can put in this much time and sweat and stress so far, the least I can do is roll up my sleeves and some walls!
Cheers,
Megs
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Day 37 - oh man
So funny Friday didn't happen. (Sigh) second time I haven't posted and the only excuse this time was that I was tired. Bone freaking tired.
Today is supposed to be house stuff. But I'm maxed on that. Well actually i'm getting to a turn around point. Last week was MESSY. Dust and insulation were EVERYWHERE. Ugh. So gross. We covered stuff but it still got everywhere.
Today I decided to take charge. Well I took charge of what Dear Husband and I discussed. All the furniture went to the basement. The dishwasher no longer is being used. Cooking station will soon relocate to the garage. Ah!
The focus this week has been in electrical so DH cut the holes is the Sheetrock where the canned lights will go and the pendants. He also had to tear out more Sheetrock behind the stove. Luckily we have an electrician friend coming tomorrow to help get it all wired. Woohoo!! But that means a whole day of not being at the house. And because I spent today cleaning instead of making the triple dish of enchiladas and shredded chicken double batch, I gotta figure out when I'm going to make that!!
Ugh. Anyway I'll post some updated pics soon.
Cheers,
Megs
Today is supposed to be house stuff. But I'm maxed on that. Well actually i'm getting to a turn around point. Last week was MESSY. Dust and insulation were EVERYWHERE. Ugh. So gross. We covered stuff but it still got everywhere.
Today I decided to take charge. Well I took charge of what Dear Husband and I discussed. All the furniture went to the basement. The dishwasher no longer is being used. Cooking station will soon relocate to the garage. Ah!
The focus this week has been in electrical so DH cut the holes is the Sheetrock where the canned lights will go and the pendants. He also had to tear out more Sheetrock behind the stove. Luckily we have an electrician friend coming tomorrow to help get it all wired. Woohoo!! But that means a whole day of not being at the house. And because I spent today cleaning instead of making the triple dish of enchiladas and shredded chicken double batch, I gotta figure out when I'm going to make that!!
Ugh. Anyway I'll post some updated pics soon.
Cheers,
Megs
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Day 36 - Seeing Tantrums Differently
Tonight Little Miss and Little Man are once again sleeping in the same room. The same bed in fact. Little Man at the head and Little Miss at the foot.
I remember doing that when I was little.
There was something special about getting to share your bed with your sibling or friend who might as well have been a sibling. There was a special connection there.
Our two wanted to sleep in the same room and hadn't since we moved to the new house two-and-a-half months ago. Up until then, they had shared a room since Little Miss was six months old. As much as our two fight, they have a connection. It's usually them against us. They have connected heart to heart. Kids can do that. They naturally want to do that. They yearn for connections to other people. As adults, I think we have developed walls and defense mechanisms because we have learned that sometimes those connections get broken. And brokenness hurts. Sometimes the brokenness hurts for longs periods of time and we don't want to connect with others.
But our kids haven't been met with that yet. I would hope that no child experiences that brokenness until they are adults, but unfortunately, that is not the way of the world.
All this leads me to a blog I have recently discovered: consciouslyparenting.blogspot.com . She is a therapist who specializes in attachment and relationships. The one particular post that has stuck with me is "An Alternative View of Tantrums and Emotional Upsets."
It put the little tricks I practiced when one of my dears was trying to burst my eardrums from screaming on their head.
She says that "Nurturing relationships is about taking the time and making the space for connection. Not just being in the same room or not interrupting. But connecting heart to heart....Nurturing relationships means moving in closer when others might back away."
This thought process can influence many aspects of our lives. Like when we are in the middle of cooking dinner and our little one comes up to show us their masterpiece created from scraps of paper, glue, and crayons, and we say "Yah. I like that" without much of a glance. We don't see their disappointed look because we are stirring the pot.
Or when our spouse comes home after a long day and we let them fester in their sullenness alone or, worse, take their sullenness as a personal affront.
Or when our little one doesn't get the last piece of chocolate and throws a major fit and we move them to their room for a time out/chill out/get yourself in check.
We are told to ignore tantrums or put kids in timeout or mirror what they are doing. Or we give in. Or we fix it.
But what do we want when we are having a really crappy, down in the dumps, nothing goes right moment...or day...or week? We want someone to listen to us vent then give us a hug or a hand squeeze or anything to show they listened and heard what we said.
So why would we deny our kids the same?
The Golden Rule: Treat others as we would like to be treated.
So why treat our kids differently when they are upset than we want to be treated? How would we feel if our spouse put us in timeout when we were venting or if they just repeated what we were saying or if they ignored us?
It's different, though, for adults. We have the words to express our feelings (most times). Kids don't. However, just because they can't verbally express their feelings doesn't make those feelings less valid or real.
Our job as parents is to support our kids. They are going to want to do some crazy-ass shit. Like move to a reservation as a single woman all alone in her first years of teaching. Or move to Chicago to try become an actress. Or go bushwhacking through a jungle only to be chased by a wild boar. Or join the military. Or try five different schools with five different majors.
Those are my siblings and me. We did that. And even though my parents didn't agree with us all the time, they supported us. My mom and dad are my heroes when it comes to parenting. I know I can still go crying to my mom and she won't brush me off or fix my problem or half-ass listen to me. She will sit there and hug me and wait for me to talk.
That's the kind of parent I want to be.
It starts when our little ones are still little. When they are throwing the fit because they can't have the last piece of chocolate. This isn't to say we give in. We don't give in. But we don't push them away from us. We don't mock them. We don't fix them. We treat them as we would want to be treated. We allow them to express their emotions and are patient with them. We stay with them in their emotional state. There are times we don't want to. We don't want to listen to them cry. But if we are truly present with them and their emotions, it shall pass sooner than later.
This is something I'm learning. Being present with my children is more important than the laundry or getting dinner on the table at exactly 6:00 or putting them in their beds no later than 8:00 or any of the other 100 things I usually have spinning through my head. I will always have 100 different things spinning through my head. Little Man will only be 4 years and 10 months old once. Little Miss will only be three years and one and a half months old once.
We are their foundation. We are what they will come back to in the future (or, if we fail, what they will avoid). We are their steady ships. We are their first connections. That is the most important thing to nurture in this moment.
Cheers,
Megs
I remember doing that when I was little.
There was something special about getting to share your bed with your sibling or friend who might as well have been a sibling. There was a special connection there.
Our two wanted to sleep in the same room and hadn't since we moved to the new house two-and-a-half months ago. Up until then, they had shared a room since Little Miss was six months old. As much as our two fight, they have a connection. It's usually them against us. They have connected heart to heart. Kids can do that. They naturally want to do that. They yearn for connections to other people. As adults, I think we have developed walls and defense mechanisms because we have learned that sometimes those connections get broken. And brokenness hurts. Sometimes the brokenness hurts for longs periods of time and we don't want to connect with others.
But our kids haven't been met with that yet. I would hope that no child experiences that brokenness until they are adults, but unfortunately, that is not the way of the world.
All this leads me to a blog I have recently discovered: consciouslyparenting.blogspot.com . She is a therapist who specializes in attachment and relationships. The one particular post that has stuck with me is "An Alternative View of Tantrums and Emotional Upsets."
It put the little tricks I practiced when one of my dears was trying to burst my eardrums from screaming on their head.
She says that "Nurturing relationships is about taking the time and making the space for connection. Not just being in the same room or not interrupting. But connecting heart to heart....Nurturing relationships means moving in closer when others might back away."
This thought process can influence many aspects of our lives. Like when we are in the middle of cooking dinner and our little one comes up to show us their masterpiece created from scraps of paper, glue, and crayons, and we say "Yah. I like that" without much of a glance. We don't see their disappointed look because we are stirring the pot.
Or when our spouse comes home after a long day and we let them fester in their sullenness alone or, worse, take their sullenness as a personal affront.
Or when our little one doesn't get the last piece of chocolate and throws a major fit and we move them to their room for a time out/chill out/get yourself in check.
We are told to ignore tantrums or put kids in timeout or mirror what they are doing. Or we give in. Or we fix it.
But what do we want when we are having a really crappy, down in the dumps, nothing goes right moment...or day...or week? We want someone to listen to us vent then give us a hug or a hand squeeze or anything to show they listened and heard what we said.
So why would we deny our kids the same?
The Golden Rule: Treat others as we would like to be treated.
So why treat our kids differently when they are upset than we want to be treated? How would we feel if our spouse put us in timeout when we were venting or if they just repeated what we were saying or if they ignored us?
It's different, though, for adults. We have the words to express our feelings (most times). Kids don't. However, just because they can't verbally express their feelings doesn't make those feelings less valid or real.
Our job as parents is to support our kids. They are going to want to do some crazy-ass shit. Like move to a reservation as a single woman all alone in her first years of teaching. Or move to Chicago to try become an actress. Or go bushwhacking through a jungle only to be chased by a wild boar. Or join the military. Or try five different schools with five different majors.
Those are my siblings and me. We did that. And even though my parents didn't agree with us all the time, they supported us. My mom and dad are my heroes when it comes to parenting. I know I can still go crying to my mom and she won't brush me off or fix my problem or half-ass listen to me. She will sit there and hug me and wait for me to talk.
That's the kind of parent I want to be.
It starts when our little ones are still little. When they are throwing the fit because they can't have the last piece of chocolate. This isn't to say we give in. We don't give in. But we don't push them away from us. We don't mock them. We don't fix them. We treat them as we would want to be treated. We allow them to express their emotions and are patient with them. We stay with them in their emotional state. There are times we don't want to. We don't want to listen to them cry. But if we are truly present with them and their emotions, it shall pass sooner than later.
This is something I'm learning. Being present with my children is more important than the laundry or getting dinner on the table at exactly 6:00 or putting them in their beds no later than 8:00 or any of the other 100 things I usually have spinning through my head. I will always have 100 different things spinning through my head. Little Man will only be 4 years and 10 months old once. Little Miss will only be three years and one and a half months old once.
We are their foundation. We are what they will come back to in the future (or, if we fail, what they will avoid). We are their steady ships. We are their first connections. That is the most important thing to nurture in this moment.
Cheers,
Megs
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Day 35 - Obsession Wednesday
Last night I said I was tired. And I think the night before. See a common theme here?
But tonight, it's for real. I'm writing this with eight minutes left to spare in the day which means I'm two hours past my "get in bed now" time. Tomorrow morning will be rough.
So my obsession tonight is my bed. I really am obsessed with it. It is incredibly comfy and just envelopes you when you lay down. Which will also make tomorrow morning rough. Argh.
Therefore, this is short. Sleep well all!
Cheers,
Megs
But tonight, it's for real. I'm writing this with eight minutes left to spare in the day which means I'm two hours past my "get in bed now" time. Tomorrow morning will be rough.
So my obsession tonight is my bed. I really am obsessed with it. It is incredibly comfy and just envelopes you when you lay down. Which will also make tomorrow morning rough. Argh.
Therefore, this is short. Sleep well all!
Cheers,
Megs
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Day 34 - Giving Thanks
I told our kids last night that I was going to enter them in manners boot camp. Oh the wiggling and talking with food in the mouth and yelling and elbows on the table. Argh!!!
Then I had a revelation that I probably needed to go to spouse manners boot camp. Dear Husband worked his heiny off on tearing the house apart and by 9:00 PM, I had uttered nary a thanks.
Saying thank you is sometimes really hard to do, especially when you feel like the person should be doing it anyway or if you feel that you haven't been thanked for the countless things you do. It seems that saying thank you is as hard if not harder than saying sorry.
What kind of world are we living in!?
It should be easy for me to say thank you to DH for all the wonderful things he does for our family and around the house, big and small. It can be hard to conjure up those items when one is in the thick of being pissed off about something but, nevertheless, we need to thank our spouses. Gratitude works both ways.
So I brainstormed a list of things I can be thankful to DH about:
Providing a wonderful life for our family by working three jobs
Sacrificing a year of his life (our lives) overseas
Marrying me (this should be daily)
Having kids with me (again - daily)
Being so ready to jump into home improvement projects and getting excited about them
Having the vision of the projects
Going with me on my crazy ideas (for the most part)
Pushing me to make our bed
Keeping me accountable for soooo many things in life
All the effort it takes to try to steady my emotional ship
Being willing to get dirty to a) play with the kids b) play with the dog c) take care of our house
Mowing the yard
Shoveling the snow
(sometimes both in the same week!)
Coaching Tball
Being the driver in the family on long trips...or short ones
Playing with the kids
Being rational with me about money (ie the kitchen remodel)
Being irrational with me about money (ie the truck)
Taking care of the majority of bedtimes
Washing Little Miss's hair
Styling Little Miss's hair!
Keeping in shape so he can haul the heavy stuff in our lives
Being a good leader - of players, soldiers, students, and our family
Keeping a calm head in scary situations
Buying a gun cabinet
Giving up part of the garage but letting me park in it
Scraping my car off when I don't park in the garage
Knowing me so well that it annoys the heck out of me sometimes!
Being irresistible
Laughing (giggling?) at our shows
Remembering what shows we have on what nights
When he makes popcorn and shares with me
Being a man of his word
Being a good man period.
There's more I could add to the list but this is a good starter.
Start your own for your spouse or significant other! It's easy to get bogged down in the daily minutia and forget about all we can be grateful for. Some people keep a journal, some verbally list their blessings, etc.
Write a note and leave it on your special person's pillow so they see it before they go to bed or sneak one into their lunch...or on their napkin at dinner time. It's important for our kids to see us showing gratitude. How else will they learn it?
Now I'm off to write up drills for kids' manners boot camp. Ha! Just kidding. I'm off to give DH a big hug and kiss to thank him for all the work and muck he dealt with today.
Cheers,
Megs
Then I had a revelation that I probably needed to go to spouse manners boot camp. Dear Husband worked his heiny off on tearing the house apart and by 9:00 PM, I had uttered nary a thanks.
Saying thank you is sometimes really hard to do, especially when you feel like the person should be doing it anyway or if you feel that you haven't been thanked for the countless things you do. It seems that saying thank you is as hard if not harder than saying sorry.
What kind of world are we living in!?
It should be easy for me to say thank you to DH for all the wonderful things he does for our family and around the house, big and small. It can be hard to conjure up those items when one is in the thick of being pissed off about something but, nevertheless, we need to thank our spouses. Gratitude works both ways.
So I brainstormed a list of things I can be thankful to DH about:
Providing a wonderful life for our family by working three jobs
Sacrificing a year of his life (our lives) overseas
Marrying me (this should be daily)
Having kids with me (again - daily)
Being so ready to jump into home improvement projects and getting excited about them
Having the vision of the projects
Going with me on my crazy ideas (for the most part)
Pushing me to make our bed
Keeping me accountable for soooo many things in life
All the effort it takes to try to steady my emotional ship
Being willing to get dirty to a) play with the kids b) play with the dog c) take care of our house
Mowing the yard
Shoveling the snow
(sometimes both in the same week!)
Coaching Tball
Being the driver in the family on long trips...or short ones
Playing with the kids
Being rational with me about money (ie the kitchen remodel)
Being irrational with me about money (ie the truck)
Taking care of the majority of bedtimes
Washing Little Miss's hair
Styling Little Miss's hair!
Keeping in shape so he can haul the heavy stuff in our lives
Being a good leader - of players, soldiers, students, and our family
Keeping a calm head in scary situations
Buying a gun cabinet
Giving up part of the garage but letting me park in it
Scraping my car off when I don't park in the garage
Knowing me so well that it annoys the heck out of me sometimes!
Being irresistible
Laughing (giggling?) at our shows
Remembering what shows we have on what nights
When he makes popcorn and shares with me
Being a man of his word
Being a good man period.
There's more I could add to the list but this is a good starter.
Start your own for your spouse or significant other! It's easy to get bogged down in the daily minutia and forget about all we can be grateful for. Some people keep a journal, some verbally list their blessings, etc.
Write a note and leave it on your special person's pillow so they see it before they go to bed or sneak one into their lunch...or on their napkin at dinner time. It's important for our kids to see us showing gratitude. How else will they learn it?
Now I'm off to write up drills for kids' manners boot camp. Ha! Just kidding. I'm off to give DH a big hug and kiss to thank him for all the work and muck he dealt with today.
Cheers,
Megs
Monday, April 29, 2013
Day 33 - Monday Meal Time
I'm tired tonight. I totally sympathized with Little Man this morning when he crawled further into his comfy bed instead of getting right up in the morning. I seriously contemplated calling in sick.
Ah well.
Tonight was major demo day #1. A wall came out to make room for a different wall and some electrical work was done. Dear Husband did awesome.
I had a spaz attack and wasn't the best version of myself.
I hate mess and clutter and debris and kids getting in it and things generally interfering with my plans. So remodeling my kitchen (aka my sanctuary) was a realllllllll smart thing for me to do. LOL!
The other part that stressed me out was my to-do list hanging over my head. Like the laundry....which, as I'm typing this, I realize I forgot to even do! So Little Miss will be scraping the high waters for pants tomorrow! DURN!
Next on my to-do list was getting a list of meals and a grocery list to a friend of mine who wanted to try out the freezer meal thing. I managed to wrangle up 12 freezer meals that are delicious. In fact, I think I'm just going to take her list for our meals this month! Two birds, one stone.
The final thing was the blog. My brain, by now, is shutting down. Forgive me if this isn't as lengthy of a blog post as others. But I couldn't pass up an opportunity to talk about one of my favorite foods - wine! Not just any of the wines but sweet white wine. I don't drink a lot but if I choose to have one, I go for the refreshing, crisp ones. I recently discovered Sweet White Roo by Yellow Tail. My other faves are Sweet Reisling, Gewürztraminer, or Moscato. I'm really not too picky about brands. There is also a Soft White Wine out there somewhere that is Delicious!
I decided I needed a little destressing so I busted out a fave wine and my fave dip-of-the-moment and settled in to write up a blog post.
I'll keep ya'll updated on the kitchen destruction/rebuild.
Cheers,
Megs
Ah well.
Tonight was major demo day #1. A wall came out to make room for a different wall and some electrical work was done. Dear Husband did awesome.
I had a spaz attack and wasn't the best version of myself.
I hate mess and clutter and debris and kids getting in it and things generally interfering with my plans. So remodeling my kitchen (aka my sanctuary) was a realllllllll smart thing for me to do. LOL!
The other part that stressed me out was my to-do list hanging over my head. Like the laundry....which, as I'm typing this, I realize I forgot to even do! So Little Miss will be scraping the high waters for pants tomorrow! DURN!
Next on my to-do list was getting a list of meals and a grocery list to a friend of mine who wanted to try out the freezer meal thing. I managed to wrangle up 12 freezer meals that are delicious. In fact, I think I'm just going to take her list for our meals this month! Two birds, one stone.
The final thing was the blog. My brain, by now, is shutting down. Forgive me if this isn't as lengthy of a blog post as others. But I couldn't pass up an opportunity to talk about one of my favorite foods - wine! Not just any of the wines but sweet white wine. I don't drink a lot but if I choose to have one, I go for the refreshing, crisp ones. I recently discovered Sweet White Roo by Yellow Tail. My other faves are Sweet Reisling, Gewürztraminer, or Moscato. I'm really not too picky about brands. There is also a Soft White Wine out there somewhere that is Delicious!
I decided I needed a little destressing so I busted out a fave wine and my fave dip-of-the-moment and settled in to write up a blog post. I'll keep ya'll updated on the kitchen destruction/rebuild.
Cheers,
Megs
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Day 32...or is it 33?
Sunday - the beginning of another week.
I missed posting yesterday. First time in a month. But I had a good excuse - I was out of town for a funeral.
Which leads me to today's post. The burial services and celebration of life were for my great uncle - Buck. Yep, I had an Uncle Buck! Much different from the movie persona, though.
He was a grand man - a cowboy, businessman, politician, and huge presence. Much of that I found out later in life. Growing up, I always thought he ran the ranch he and my grandpa grew up on. Apparently he was a big to-do in the banking business and had a profound effect on South Dakota and Montana business development and legislation. It was amazing to discover how many people knew him. To me, he was the great uncle who helped shepherd me through my first two years of college by writing letters, calling me, letting me stay at his house when he was gone, taking me to dinner, etc. He wasn't always in town, but we stayed connected.
Meeting people who had known him for years and reminiscing about his life with his kids, grandkids, friends, nieces, and nephews was such a joy. It was also hard. It was hard to let go of the other Moore boy, the first being my grandpa. Well....second. Grandpa was younger than Buck but he died in 1984. Buck was one of my connections to my grandpa. The other is my Grandma. She is the pillar of our family. It just kept rolling back to my mind that now we were waiting. Waiting for when Grandma would be called home. I think that's what really affected me. Buck was 90 and Grandma is 88. Both have lived incredibly full lives and seen many blessings. It's hard or will be hard to lose them. You don't want the inevitable to happen.
One poem that was read during his burial service was one his kids had found in his file of "what to do when I die." I thought it was an important reflection for those of us "left behind."
For Those I Love and Those Who Love Me
When I am gone, release me - let me go,
I have so many things to see and do,
You must not tie yourself to me with tears,
Be happy that we had so many years.
I gave my love, you can only guess
How much you gave me in happiness.
I thank you for the love we each have shown
But now it's time, I travel on alone.
So grieve awhile for me, if grieve you must,
Then let your grief be comforted by trust.
It's only for awhile that we must part
So bless now, the memories within your heart.
I won't be far away for life goes on;
So if you need me - CALL - and I will come;
though you can't see me, or touch me, I'll be near
And if you listen with your heart, you'll hear
All my love around you, soft and clear
And then when you must come this way alone,
I'll greet you with a smile and "Welcome Home."
Author Unknown
I leave you with this: You have an opportunity every day to have a profound effect on someone. Buck made a profound impact on me just by taking me out to dinner once, coming to a couple of my activities on campus and writing me the occasional letter. He showed me love when he didn't have to and when it was slightly out of character for him. His wife was the social one of the two, but she passed away shortly before I started college.
We have moments that can change others' lives. We need to seize those moments no matter how small.
Cheers,
Megs
I missed posting yesterday. First time in a month. But I had a good excuse - I was out of town for a funeral.
Which leads me to today's post. The burial services and celebration of life were for my great uncle - Buck. Yep, I had an Uncle Buck! Much different from the movie persona, though.
He was a grand man - a cowboy, businessman, politician, and huge presence. Much of that I found out later in life. Growing up, I always thought he ran the ranch he and my grandpa grew up on. Apparently he was a big to-do in the banking business and had a profound effect on South Dakota and Montana business development and legislation. It was amazing to discover how many people knew him. To me, he was the great uncle who helped shepherd me through my first two years of college by writing letters, calling me, letting me stay at his house when he was gone, taking me to dinner, etc. He wasn't always in town, but we stayed connected.
Meeting people who had known him for years and reminiscing about his life with his kids, grandkids, friends, nieces, and nephews was such a joy. It was also hard. It was hard to let go of the other Moore boy, the first being my grandpa. Well....second. Grandpa was younger than Buck but he died in 1984. Buck was one of my connections to my grandpa. The other is my Grandma. She is the pillar of our family. It just kept rolling back to my mind that now we were waiting. Waiting for when Grandma would be called home. I think that's what really affected me. Buck was 90 and Grandma is 88. Both have lived incredibly full lives and seen many blessings. It's hard or will be hard to lose them. You don't want the inevitable to happen.
One poem that was read during his burial service was one his kids had found in his file of "what to do when I die." I thought it was an important reflection for those of us "left behind."
For Those I Love and Those Who Love Me
When I am gone, release me - let me go,
I have so many things to see and do,
You must not tie yourself to me with tears,
Be happy that we had so many years.
I gave my love, you can only guess
How much you gave me in happiness.
I thank you for the love we each have shown
But now it's time, I travel on alone.
So grieve awhile for me, if grieve you must,
Then let your grief be comforted by trust.
It's only for awhile that we must part
So bless now, the memories within your heart.
I won't be far away for life goes on;
So if you need me - CALL - and I will come;
though you can't see me, or touch me, I'll be near
And if you listen with your heart, you'll hear
All my love around you, soft and clear
And then when you must come this way alone,
I'll greet you with a smile and "Welcome Home."
Author Unknown
I leave you with this: You have an opportunity every day to have a profound effect on someone. Buck made a profound impact on me just by taking me out to dinner once, coming to a couple of my activities on campus and writing me the occasional letter. He showed me love when he didn't have to and when it was slightly out of character for him. His wife was the social one of the two, but she passed away shortly before I started college.
We have moments that can change others' lives. We need to seize those moments no matter how small.
Cheers,
Megs
Friday, April 26, 2013
Day 31 - Funny Friday!
Here is the second official edition of Funny Friday. I just had to post some of these because if something makes me laugh out loud, it's pretty good.
They are a little toss-back to the college days. Not sure why - just something stuck in my brain lately!
Enjoy your weekend!
Cheers,
Megs
They are a little toss-back to the college days. Not sure why - just something stuck in my brain lately!
Enjoy your weekend!
Cheers,
Megs
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Day 30 - The Consequences
Last week I laid out the three major actions the kids do that bug me the most, drive me to yell, really push my buttons, etc.
They were:
1. Don't Listen when asked to do something/act a certain way/etc
2. Hitting
3. Talking Back / Telling me/DH no (Little Miss is an expert at that!)
I decided I would ask the kids what they thought the consequences should be for each of those actions. Together (wow!) they came up with the following:
1. Lose privileges (screen time, toys, little trips, treat trips, etc)
2. Time Out (minutes = their age)
3. Soap & Time Out
To reinforce these consequences so we were all fully aware of them, we did three things:
1. Verbally went over them a few times.
2. Physically practiced.
3. Wrote them down.
With the first one, it was just asking them what the consequence was for each one. Pretty simple.
The second one was actually practice. What? Make them have bad behavior. Of course! I have found that practicing the behavior I want them to have and the behavior I don't want them to have (and thus the consequence) is GREAT. So we practiced all three things and they practice the consequence for all three.
The final was to write it down. The actions and consequences now reside on a large yellow piece of paper on our fridge. This is mainly for my own reference. When I have to look at the sheet in the heat of the moment, I calm down a lot faster and can hand out the consequence with all my wits about me.
After a week of this, the results have been really good! I've been most impressed with the sharp digression in the talking back.
Each has only gotten soap in their mouth once. Now, some people have a moral disagreement with putting soap in their child's mouth. I figure it's better than a spanking or flick to the mouth. And my mom did it with all six of us kids and we turned out fine. Actually...when soap wasn't doing the trick, she switched to tabasco sauce. Unless it was a really bad word - then tabasco came without question. To me, the consequence fits the action as well. Dirty/sassy words need to be cleaned out. How we do it is just a tiny squirt of soap in the mouth. Then they rinse it out with water. Trust me - they get more soap in their mouths during bath time than when they sass off.
The other easy thing has been the loss of privileges. We talk a lot about how certain things are a privilege (i.e. playing games on the iPad, watching cartoons, getting special treats, helping DH with special jobs, stories, PJ walks etc). This has been a really good consequence because it's easy to straighten up the behavior. Just a simple "Not listening means losing privileges. The privilege to lose is..." and we name the privilege that is coming up next. If they don't respond to what we are saying, that privilege is gone. What is really effective is when one listens and the other doesn't so only one loses the privilege. This seems to hit home a bit harder and helps them remember for the next time.
So we will continue on this path. Keep consistent with it. That's the goal, right?
Cheers,
Megs
They were:
1. Don't Listen when asked to do something/act a certain way/etc
2. Hitting
3. Talking Back / Telling me/DH no (Little Miss is an expert at that!)
I decided I would ask the kids what they thought the consequences should be for each of those actions. Together (wow!) they came up with the following:
1. Lose privileges (screen time, toys, little trips, treat trips, etc)
2. Time Out (minutes = their age)
3. Soap & Time Out
To reinforce these consequences so we were all fully aware of them, we did three things:
1. Verbally went over them a few times.
2. Physically practiced.
3. Wrote them down.
With the first one, it was just asking them what the consequence was for each one. Pretty simple.
The second one was actually practice. What? Make them have bad behavior. Of course! I have found that practicing the behavior I want them to have and the behavior I don't want them to have (and thus the consequence) is GREAT. So we practiced all three things and they practice the consequence for all three.
The final was to write it down. The actions and consequences now reside on a large yellow piece of paper on our fridge. This is mainly for my own reference. When I have to look at the sheet in the heat of the moment, I calm down a lot faster and can hand out the consequence with all my wits about me.
After a week of this, the results have been really good! I've been most impressed with the sharp digression in the talking back.
Each has only gotten soap in their mouth once. Now, some people have a moral disagreement with putting soap in their child's mouth. I figure it's better than a spanking or flick to the mouth. And my mom did it with all six of us kids and we turned out fine. Actually...when soap wasn't doing the trick, she switched to tabasco sauce. Unless it was a really bad word - then tabasco came without question. To me, the consequence fits the action as well. Dirty/sassy words need to be cleaned out. How we do it is just a tiny squirt of soap in the mouth. Then they rinse it out with water. Trust me - they get more soap in their mouths during bath time than when they sass off.
The other easy thing has been the loss of privileges. We talk a lot about how certain things are a privilege (i.e. playing games on the iPad, watching cartoons, getting special treats, helping DH with special jobs, stories, PJ walks etc). This has been a really good consequence because it's easy to straighten up the behavior. Just a simple "Not listening means losing privileges. The privilege to lose is..." and we name the privilege that is coming up next. If they don't respond to what we are saying, that privilege is gone. What is really effective is when one listens and the other doesn't so only one loses the privilege. This seems to hit home a bit harder and helps them remember for the next time.
So we will continue on this path. Keep consistent with it. That's the goal, right?
Cheers,
Megs
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Day 29 - Booootay!
I'll admit it. I LOVE love LOVE Pirate Booty. I'm obsessed. Well, addicted might be more accurate. These are delicious puffed cheese balls available in snack size bags at Target or oversized, Americanized bags at Costco.
It's an amazing product that has increased its presence across American grocery stores - thank goodness! And after reading this brief Wikipedia article about it, I'm even more in love. Apparently - it's healthier than a lot of alternatives! Woohoo!!! Wiki Article - Pirate Booty
I usually "let" the kids pick it as their treat at Costco. I let them think it's their idea. But really, I avoid any other aisle that might present temptation for them and guide them to this delectable white cheddar gloriousness. They get their little bowls while the monstrous bag sits on the counter for me to chow down on. I could honestly eat a whole bag in one sitting - a challenge I have yet to accept, but it's just a matter of time....
Thank goodness Little Man wants a pirate party for his birthday. Another great excuse to buy a bag...or two...maybe three.
Cheers!
Megs
It's an amazing product that has increased its presence across American grocery stores - thank goodness! And after reading this brief Wikipedia article about it, I'm even more in love. Apparently - it's healthier than a lot of alternatives! Woohoo!!! Wiki Article - Pirate Booty
I usually "let" the kids pick it as their treat at Costco. I let them think it's their idea. But really, I avoid any other aisle that might present temptation for them and guide them to this delectable white cheddar gloriousness. They get their little bowls while the monstrous bag sits on the counter for me to chow down on. I could honestly eat a whole bag in one sitting - a challenge I have yet to accept, but it's just a matter of time....
Thank goodness Little Man wants a pirate party for his birthday. Another great excuse to buy a bag...or two...maybe three.
Cheers!
Megs
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Day 28 - Teamwork and Tums
Dear Husband:
I wasn't ready for this. Definitely not.
I mean - we've planned and planned and talked and talked and yet when it actually happened, I felt sick to my stomach.
I think I'm getting ulcers.
The massive amount of coffee I've been drinking to fight off the yawns doesn't help the ulcers either.
Can we rewind a couple weeks? Or at least put it on pause?
No? Yah, didn't think so.
Love,
Your Dear Wife
---------------
The above letter was more or less expressed to Dear Husband tonight when I walked into this scene in my kitchen:
Yep, the cupboards are coming out. Which means my countertops will soon be gone.
To be replaced by long banquet tables in some sort of makeshift, half-ass kitchen space.
I really don't think I can do this.
Cooking is something I love. It's my relaxation time. My zen time. My zone-out time. I love being creative in the kitchen.
Not going to happen for the next few weeks.
But what DH said tonight was encouraging. We are a team.
After I walked in, I went into panic mode. I needed to get dinner started so Little Miss and I could leave for dance and Little Man and DH could eat then go to t-ball. Then Little Miss and I would return from dance and have dinner ourselves. Then clean up. I started going 50 different directions (so unlike me, I know!). DH told me that he would stop what he was doing and make dinner so I could have a breather.
Now, if you know DH and if you know him during a project, stopping doesn't really happen until he is ready. So this is a big step. He's being super conscious of my anxiety during this and, in turn, being really sensitive to it.
So we worked as a team. I got some stuff out for dinner, he started it, then Little Miss and I left. When we got back, the boys had left so we had dinner then I cleaned up. Easy peasy. And much left stressful. Yay teamwork!
Because he helped out with dinner, I didn't even think twice about taking over the kids' bedtime routines. Normally that's his realm while I clean up but I took it on tonight because he was finishing pulling off trim in the den.
Teamwork.
I like the phrase "teamwork" better than "partnership" when describing marriage because it seems more accurate. Partnership to me implies a 50/50 break up of duties. Teamwork is a little more flexible. Each person on the team must work with the others to get it done. Some have more work than others at certain times but it's all necessary. And a team can extend to the kids, who are essential in this whole marriage puzzle.
It's hard. Really hard. And it's been a struggle for us to figure out. I've often felt I was taken for granted. When DH wanted me to help him with something, I did it, but when I wanted help with something it was like pulling teeth to get a response. I also have a tendency to overreact so when the latter did happen (or in my mind I thought it was happening) I blew it out of proportion and the argument went down the road of always, nevers, and every times. Dangerous words to throw out at any time because there are very few things in life that are 100% the same each time. We both felt unloved and disrespected at the end of the argument and nothing was ever really resolved.
This house-buying/remodeling experience has really given us a foothold down a different path. One of communication and teamwork. We've had several discussions about it and have clearly laid out our expectations. I've been more direct with what I want and what I don't and he the same. We've been able to rationalize a lot of stuff.
The other realization we've had is that we have a constant audience - Little Miss and Little Man. There have been times when they have disrespected each other in the nastiest of tones or they have talked to one of us like that, and it's basically like recording our arguments and playing them back later. Horrible reality to be smacked with.
There are still arguments. There will be. We are two individuals. But as long as we can approach them with a team attitude, then the argument will be much more productive towards a solution. And we'll be modeling much more positive behavior for our peanut gallery.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find DH's stash of Tums!
Cheers,
Megs
I wasn't ready for this. Definitely not.
I mean - we've planned and planned and talked and talked and yet when it actually happened, I felt sick to my stomach.
I think I'm getting ulcers.
The massive amount of coffee I've been drinking to fight off the yawns doesn't help the ulcers either.
Can we rewind a couple weeks? Or at least put it on pause?
No? Yah, didn't think so.
Love,
Your Dear Wife
---------------
The above letter was more or less expressed to Dear Husband tonight when I walked into this scene in my kitchen:
To be replaced by long banquet tables in some sort of makeshift, half-ass kitchen space.
I really don't think I can do this.
Cooking is something I love. It's my relaxation time. My zen time. My zone-out time. I love being creative in the kitchen.
Not going to happen for the next few weeks.
But what DH said tonight was encouraging. We are a team.
After I walked in, I went into panic mode. I needed to get dinner started so Little Miss and I could leave for dance and Little Man and DH could eat then go to t-ball. Then Little Miss and I would return from dance and have dinner ourselves. Then clean up. I started going 50 different directions (so unlike me, I know!). DH told me that he would stop what he was doing and make dinner so I could have a breather.
Now, if you know DH and if you know him during a project, stopping doesn't really happen until he is ready. So this is a big step. He's being super conscious of my anxiety during this and, in turn, being really sensitive to it.
So we worked as a team. I got some stuff out for dinner, he started it, then Little Miss and I left. When we got back, the boys had left so we had dinner then I cleaned up. Easy peasy. And much left stressful. Yay teamwork!
Because he helped out with dinner, I didn't even think twice about taking over the kids' bedtime routines. Normally that's his realm while I clean up but I took it on tonight because he was finishing pulling off trim in the den.
Teamwork.
I like the phrase "teamwork" better than "partnership" when describing marriage because it seems more accurate. Partnership to me implies a 50/50 break up of duties. Teamwork is a little more flexible. Each person on the team must work with the others to get it done. Some have more work than others at certain times but it's all necessary. And a team can extend to the kids, who are essential in this whole marriage puzzle.
It's hard. Really hard. And it's been a struggle for us to figure out. I've often felt I was taken for granted. When DH wanted me to help him with something, I did it, but when I wanted help with something it was like pulling teeth to get a response. I also have a tendency to overreact so when the latter did happen (or in my mind I thought it was happening) I blew it out of proportion and the argument went down the road of always, nevers, and every times. Dangerous words to throw out at any time because there are very few things in life that are 100% the same each time. We both felt unloved and disrespected at the end of the argument and nothing was ever really resolved.
This house-buying/remodeling experience has really given us a foothold down a different path. One of communication and teamwork. We've had several discussions about it and have clearly laid out our expectations. I've been more direct with what I want and what I don't and he the same. We've been able to rationalize a lot of stuff.
The other realization we've had is that we have a constant audience - Little Miss and Little Man. There have been times when they have disrespected each other in the nastiest of tones or they have talked to one of us like that, and it's basically like recording our arguments and playing them back later. Horrible reality to be smacked with.
There are still arguments. There will be. We are two individuals. But as long as we can approach them with a team attitude, then the argument will be much more productive towards a solution. And we'll be modeling much more positive behavior for our peanut gallery.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find DH's stash of Tums!
Cheers,
Megs
Monday, April 22, 2013
Day 27 - Mexican Night!
This should really be titled "Mexican week." I told Dear Husband that chimichangas were on the menu for tomorrow and he (lovingly) pointed out that we had had Mexican-themed food every night since Thursday. Whoops! Good thing we like it!
Tonight was Taco Soup with mini cornbread muffins. Yum!
Taco Soup is a family favorite ever since it was introduced by Sister-In-Law-#1 at Christmastime in 2008. It's soooo easy and hearty and delicious. Chili is a bit too temperamental for me - or maybe DH is just too damn picky about his chili. Either way - I know taco soup will be a hit. Surprisingly the kids love it! Little Miss even requested it for her birthday dinner. Strange. Having something to dip into like chips or bread helps too.
I usually pair it with mangos or oranges or some sort of fruit. In my mind, that balances out the huge dose of corn, beans, and tomatoes in the soup. Fresh veggies or a crisp salad work, too.
Two great things about this dish is 1) you can make a huge batch then freeze it and 2) it can all be done in the crockpot in the morning. I doubled the batch for Little Miss's birthday, and it gave us that meal plus two gallon-size servings, which will feed all four of us twice plus leave some for lunch leftovers. All I do is thaw it enough to break the square chunk in the bag in half, put it in our oval crockpot, stick it on 10-hours, then leave for the day. I come home, take 20 minutes to bake the muffins and dinner is done.
When we first started discussing the amount of work this remodel was going to be, I knew I needed to be prepared with meals otherwise the local pizza place would once again know me by my order! (Last time that happened was the year DH was deployed.) So I planned out 30 meals I could freeze. Taco Soup was, of course, one of the main ones.
So here is the recipe for taco soup. There are a lot of variations out there but this is the one passed to me:
TACO SOUP - Crockpot meal, 4 hours - 10 hours, the longer the better, makes a full oval crockpot
Brown in a skillet:
2 lbs hamburger
Diced onion (personal preference)
3 cloves garlic (less or more, personal preference)
Pour that and the following into a LARGE crockpot:
28 oz crushed tomatoes (I usually substituted petite diced or regular diced here)
16 oz diced tomatoes
16 oz pinto bean
16 oz kidney bean
16 oz corn (there's a southwestern mix that is really good)
16 oz black bean
16 oz white hominy (or white corn)
1 pkg taco seasoning mix
1 pkg ranch dressing mix
1-2 cans diced green chiles (personal preference)
You can dump the cans in juice and all or you can drain and rinse the beans then add another can of tomatoes (diced or sauce or juice, whatever).
Mix it well then let 'er rip.
Garnish with sour cream, green onion, cheese, black olives, jalapeno, sriracha, etc.
MINI CORN BREAD MUFFINS (Direct Link to Recipe)
(I like this recipe because it doesn't call for buttermilk. I mean, who has buttermilk on hand at all times??)
Cook time: About 17 minutes
Prep time: About 2 minutes
Yield: 20-24 mini muffins, depending on tin size
Ingredients:
1 cup flour
1 1/4 cups yellow cornmeal
2 tablespoons sugar (more or less)
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup milk
1 large egg
4 tablespoons melted butter, cooled
Cumin, paprika, mix of spices (optional)
Grease muffin tin. Heat oven to 450.
Combine flour, cornmeal, sugar, baking powder, and salt and seasoning (optional).
In mixing bowl, whisk together egg, milk, butter.
Pour dry into the wet and stir until moistened. Fill the cups 2/3 full.
Bake at 450 for about 5 minutes then reduce heat to 400 and bake for another 8-10 minutes. Muffins should just start to brown at the top.
-----------------
Below are some pictures of the process but because my memory sucks, I didn't get pics of the taco soup or of the full plate of muffins! We apparently liked the muffins since only half were left at the end of dinner.
Hopefully this is a time-saving, delicious meal some of you can try this week. Let me know what you think!
Cheers,
Megs
Tonight was Taco Soup with mini cornbread muffins. Yum!
Taco Soup is a family favorite ever since it was introduced by Sister-In-Law-#1 at Christmastime in 2008. It's soooo easy and hearty and delicious. Chili is a bit too temperamental for me - or maybe DH is just too damn picky about his chili. Either way - I know taco soup will be a hit. Surprisingly the kids love it! Little Miss even requested it for her birthday dinner. Strange. Having something to dip into like chips or bread helps too.
I usually pair it with mangos or oranges or some sort of fruit. In my mind, that balances out the huge dose of corn, beans, and tomatoes in the soup. Fresh veggies or a crisp salad work, too.
Two great things about this dish is 1) you can make a huge batch then freeze it and 2) it can all be done in the crockpot in the morning. I doubled the batch for Little Miss's birthday, and it gave us that meal plus two gallon-size servings, which will feed all four of us twice plus leave some for lunch leftovers. All I do is thaw it enough to break the square chunk in the bag in half, put it in our oval crockpot, stick it on 10-hours, then leave for the day. I come home, take 20 minutes to bake the muffins and dinner is done.
When we first started discussing the amount of work this remodel was going to be, I knew I needed to be prepared with meals otherwise the local pizza place would once again know me by my order! (Last time that happened was the year DH was deployed.) So I planned out 30 meals I could freeze. Taco Soup was, of course, one of the main ones.
So here is the recipe for taco soup. There are a lot of variations out there but this is the one passed to me:
TACO SOUP - Crockpot meal, 4 hours - 10 hours, the longer the better, makes a full oval crockpot
Brown in a skillet:
2 lbs hamburger
Diced onion (personal preference)
3 cloves garlic (less or more, personal preference)
Pour that and the following into a LARGE crockpot:
28 oz crushed tomatoes (I usually substituted petite diced or regular diced here)
16 oz diced tomatoes
16 oz pinto bean
16 oz kidney bean
16 oz corn (there's a southwestern mix that is really good)
16 oz black bean
16 oz white hominy (or white corn)
1 pkg taco seasoning mix
1 pkg ranch dressing mix
1-2 cans diced green chiles (personal preference)
You can dump the cans in juice and all or you can drain and rinse the beans then add another can of tomatoes (diced or sauce or juice, whatever).
Mix it well then let 'er rip.
Garnish with sour cream, green onion, cheese, black olives, jalapeno, sriracha, etc.
MINI CORN BREAD MUFFINS (Direct Link to Recipe)
(I like this recipe because it doesn't call for buttermilk. I mean, who has buttermilk on hand at all times??)
Cook time: About 17 minutes
Prep time: About 2 minutes
Yield: 20-24 mini muffins, depending on tin size
Ingredients:
1 cup flour
1 1/4 cups yellow cornmeal
2 tablespoons sugar (more or less)
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup milk
1 large egg
4 tablespoons melted butter, cooled
Cumin, paprika, mix of spices (optional)
Grease muffin tin. Heat oven to 450.
Combine flour, cornmeal, sugar, baking powder, and salt and seasoning (optional).
In mixing bowl, whisk together egg, milk, butter.
Pour dry into the wet and stir until moistened. Fill the cups 2/3 full.
Bake at 450 for about 5 minutes then reduce heat to 400 and bake for another 8-10 minutes. Muffins should just start to brown at the top.
-----------------
Below are some pictures of the process but because my memory sucks, I didn't get pics of the taco soup or of the full plate of muffins! We apparently liked the muffins since only half were left at the end of dinner.
Cheers,
Megs
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Day 26 - Reflection on Technology
Kind of a boring headline, ay? I know....still working on it.
Sundays are a day of reflection for me. They start with coffee and the newspaper then Mass then usually brunch with the parents. After that it's either projects around the house or cleaning or play time. Varies. But it's more low-key, gearing up for the week so it lends itself nicely to reflection.
Today, what kept turning over and over in my mind as I thought of the capture of one of the Boston bombing suspects on Friday and the week "anniversary" of the bombing tomorrow was how far we have come in the technology that almost every person possesses in the palm of their hand.
Over and over, the media has touted the use of civilian footage that has aided the investigation of the bombing thus far. It pushed me to reflect on the technology we had during another dark time - 9/11.
In 2001, the iPod was released by Apple, wireless LANs were a big winner, Bluetooth was coming, and Blackberry was the only "smart phone" on the market.
Now, flip phones are for our grandparents and smartphones are standard issue.
The advancement of cameras and emailing abilities on these phones is significantly greater than in 2001. For a situation like Boston, the more cameras on the ground the better. If 100 different pictures show the same two people placing a backpack on the ground where the explosions were and 1000 others have different angles of those people then it vastly increases the chances of capturing those individuals.
With the advancement of technology comes the fear of big-brother-ness. Who's watching us? Where are they watching us? Obviously, when used for the wrong purposes, this can be devastating to us as a society. But there is also safety to consider.
This extends itself to all aspects of our world, mainly the public arenas.
As the principal at Dear Husband's school said (paraphrasing): trying to figure out what happened in the parking lot without cameras is like reffing a football game from the locker room. Video greatly reduces the "he said/she said" when it comes to a fight.
Maybe I should install cameras up in the kids' rooms for when they are up there playing and one comes down screaming.
Hmmm...
I'll keep you posted on that.
Cheers,
Megs
Sundays are a day of reflection for me. They start with coffee and the newspaper then Mass then usually brunch with the parents. After that it's either projects around the house or cleaning or play time. Varies. But it's more low-key, gearing up for the week so it lends itself nicely to reflection.
Today, what kept turning over and over in my mind as I thought of the capture of one of the Boston bombing suspects on Friday and the week "anniversary" of the bombing tomorrow was how far we have come in the technology that almost every person possesses in the palm of their hand.
Over and over, the media has touted the use of civilian footage that has aided the investigation of the bombing thus far. It pushed me to reflect on the technology we had during another dark time - 9/11.
In 2001, the iPod was released by Apple, wireless LANs were a big winner, Bluetooth was coming, and Blackberry was the only "smart phone" on the market.
Now, flip phones are for our grandparents and smartphones are standard issue.
The advancement of cameras and emailing abilities on these phones is significantly greater than in 2001. For a situation like Boston, the more cameras on the ground the better. If 100 different pictures show the same two people placing a backpack on the ground where the explosions were and 1000 others have different angles of those people then it vastly increases the chances of capturing those individuals.
With the advancement of technology comes the fear of big-brother-ness. Who's watching us? Where are they watching us? Obviously, when used for the wrong purposes, this can be devastating to us as a society. But there is also safety to consider.
This extends itself to all aspects of our world, mainly the public arenas.
As the principal at Dear Husband's school said (paraphrasing): trying to figure out what happened in the parking lot without cameras is like reffing a football game from the locker room. Video greatly reduces the "he said/she said" when it comes to a fight.
Maybe I should install cameras up in the kids' rooms for when they are up there playing and one comes down screaming.
Hmmm...
I'll keep you posted on that.
Cheers,
Megs
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Day 25 - Shopping for the remodel!
Today was shopping day!
I thought tonight, as I was writing this, that I should have taken pictures of us throughout the four hours we were at the home improvement store. There would have been a myriad of emotions shown through those pictures: elation, exhaustion, confusion, frustration.
But we got the majority of things bought. It was a good thing. Now the real work begins. We are proud about how we've planned and budgeted the whole project and we know it's a reasonable thing for us to do. That's why we could leave the store with a receipt reading $5,000 and not be puking on the way out! It was also a good "marriage counseling" session. Good communication is key!
Below are some pictures of the results of our day: the "command center" and the four foot long receipt. I also put up a picture of the light that's going over our table! Woohoo!
We'll keep you posted on the status of the project.
Cheers,
Megs
Friday, April 19, 2013
Day 24 - Friday Funny!
It's been a long, emotional week for a multitude of reasons. I wanted to end it on a happier, funny note. So here is today's clean joke of the day:
When a woman got married she put a shoebox in the closet and told her husband not to open it. After over 50 years of marriage she was dying and told him to open the box. When he opened it there were 2 doilies and $85,000.00 He ask why this was in the box. She replied “when I got married my mother told me to crochet a doily every time I got mad at you. He smile thinking she was only mad twice and ask what the $85,000.00 was. She replied that's the money from selling the doilies.
LOL!
Jokes like this are funny yet ring surprisingly true in real life.
Dear Husband and I are getting into the nitty gritty of our kitchen remodel....I can't wait until the planning stage is over and we can get our hands dirty! I do like remodeling and fixing a place up. It makes it feel so fresh and clean.
But in the planning stage, the "mad times" seem to be more common than not. There's a lot of frustration in planning a budget while working in abstracts. It's harder for some to envision a room and thus a plan than others. There's a lot of miscommunication that can occur. Toss into the mix the daily stresses of life, and it's a recipe for a fight.
Like the woman in the joke, I think I would have made a lot of money selling doilies. Probably enough to do this remodel! But not every doily would have been justified.
It's hard for me to realize sometimes when my anger is justified and when it's just irrational. Most times it's the latter. I do try to figure it out before letting loose on DH but my pause sometimes gets misinterpreted as well.
Ah marriage. Good communication is a cornerstone of marriage but it is hard to get that sucker put in!
I hope the joke lightens your Friday mood a bit. And that you don't have any doilies to make this weekend!
Cheers,
Megs
When a woman got married she put a shoebox in the closet and told her husband not to open it. After over 50 years of marriage she was dying and told him to open the box. When he opened it there were 2 doilies and $85,000.00 He ask why this was in the box. She replied “when I got married my mother told me to crochet a doily every time I got mad at you. He smile thinking she was only mad twice and ask what the $85,000.00 was. She replied that's the money from selling the doilies.
LOL!
Jokes like this are funny yet ring surprisingly true in real life.
Dear Husband and I are getting into the nitty gritty of our kitchen remodel....I can't wait until the planning stage is over and we can get our hands dirty! I do like remodeling and fixing a place up. It makes it feel so fresh and clean.
But in the planning stage, the "mad times" seem to be more common than not. There's a lot of frustration in planning a budget while working in abstracts. It's harder for some to envision a room and thus a plan than others. There's a lot of miscommunication that can occur. Toss into the mix the daily stresses of life, and it's a recipe for a fight.
Like the woman in the joke, I think I would have made a lot of money selling doilies. Probably enough to do this remodel! But not every doily would have been justified.
It's hard for me to realize sometimes when my anger is justified and when it's just irrational. Most times it's the latter. I do try to figure it out before letting loose on DH but my pause sometimes gets misinterpreted as well.
Ah marriage. Good communication is a cornerstone of marriage but it is hard to get that sucker put in!
I hope the joke lightens your Friday mood a bit. And that you don't have any doilies to make this weekend!
Cheers,
Megs
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Day 23 - Consistency
Parenting is a game. A journey. An adventure. A practice in patience and strength. A venture into the unknown. A dichotomy of chaos and consistency.
The last word seems to be the trickiest. The rest are givens when you bring a new life into the world. I mean - you don't even know exactly what you'll be doing 10 minutes from now let alone for the next 20 years but here we are - responsible for an entire other being for at least that long.
But consistency can be elusive.
I know that it is key to successful parenting, to winning the battles we fight daily. I learned this in undergrad through my education classes and again by experience when actually teaching. And I'm reminded of its importance daily as I deal with Little Man and Little Miss.
There are some things I'm really good at being consistent at: the daily routine, eating as a family, requiring teeth be brushed, getting good food on the table.
Then there are things that I'm really not good at being consistent at: discipline, following through on consequences, breathing.
The first list doesn't matter much if the second list doesn't join it. I am working on it though. But being consistent is hard and exhausting! I'm talking brain-numbing, bone-tired exhausting. Especially for a person who tends to over-complicate things. I have developed so many consequences or series of events for everything I can think Little Man or Little Miss might do. No wonder they don't believe me when I tell them to stop or "blah blah" will happen. The "blah blah" is never the same. Eventually, I get worn out and give in. It's so much easier than pushing against the current.
So what do we do? How do we simplify consequences and discipline so that it is consistent, so it's easier to follow through?
I really don't have a good answer. My brain is so fried by the end of the day that I'm lucky to remember to brush my own teeth. So I obviously need to do something different. Because the kids know.
They can smell inconsistency like a shark smells blood. They love it. They wait for it. They want mom and dad to break down so they can regain their stronghold as King and Queen of the house. They know it will happen eventually and they have the patience to prove it.
And they are right.
So tonight I decided I needed to take a step back. I need to reflect a bit on the behavior that I would assess a consequence for and keep those on the front burners. I came up with the following:
Hitting
Not listening to directions
Sassing back
That's really not a hard list. So then I just need to develop a consequence for them. It could be the same for all three or something a little different for all three. Well....I don't need to develop the consequence; Dear Husband and I should together.
Even better - I should have the kids develop the consequence for these actions! SCORE! This was another tool I learned in my teaching days. Let kids assign their own consequence. They'll usually be a lot harder on themselves than you would be on them. And the kids know the rules and what is allowed and not allowed. I bet they'll be able to come up with some great consequences. Then we can post it and just refer to it. Brain-space saved!
I guess this weekend's chore list has grown a bit: buy all the stuff for our kitchen remodel, come up with a chore chart for each kid (plus actually make it), and discuss and post the consequences for the above actions.
Easy peasy. Ha! I'll let you know how it goes.
Cheers,
Megs
The last word seems to be the trickiest. The rest are givens when you bring a new life into the world. I mean - you don't even know exactly what you'll be doing 10 minutes from now let alone for the next 20 years but here we are - responsible for an entire other being for at least that long.
But consistency can be elusive.
I know that it is key to successful parenting, to winning the battles we fight daily. I learned this in undergrad through my education classes and again by experience when actually teaching. And I'm reminded of its importance daily as I deal with Little Man and Little Miss.
There are some things I'm really good at being consistent at: the daily routine, eating as a family, requiring teeth be brushed, getting good food on the table.
Then there are things that I'm really not good at being consistent at: discipline, following through on consequences, breathing.
The first list doesn't matter much if the second list doesn't join it. I am working on it though. But being consistent is hard and exhausting! I'm talking brain-numbing, bone-tired exhausting. Especially for a person who tends to over-complicate things. I have developed so many consequences or series of events for everything I can think Little Man or Little Miss might do. No wonder they don't believe me when I tell them to stop or "blah blah" will happen. The "blah blah" is never the same. Eventually, I get worn out and give in. It's so much easier than pushing against the current.
So what do we do? How do we simplify consequences and discipline so that it is consistent, so it's easier to follow through?
I really don't have a good answer. My brain is so fried by the end of the day that I'm lucky to remember to brush my own teeth. So I obviously need to do something different. Because the kids know.
They can smell inconsistency like a shark smells blood. They love it. They wait for it. They want mom and dad to break down so they can regain their stronghold as King and Queen of the house. They know it will happen eventually and they have the patience to prove it.
And they are right.
So tonight I decided I needed to take a step back. I need to reflect a bit on the behavior that I would assess a consequence for and keep those on the front burners. I came up with the following:
Hitting
Not listening to directions
Sassing back
That's really not a hard list. So then I just need to develop a consequence for them. It could be the same for all three or something a little different for all three. Well....I don't need to develop the consequence; Dear Husband and I should together.
Even better - I should have the kids develop the consequence for these actions! SCORE! This was another tool I learned in my teaching days. Let kids assign their own consequence. They'll usually be a lot harder on themselves than you would be on them. And the kids know the rules and what is allowed and not allowed. I bet they'll be able to come up with some great consequences. Then we can post it and just refer to it. Brain-space saved!
I guess this weekend's chore list has grown a bit: buy all the stuff for our kitchen remodel, come up with a chore chart for each kid (plus actually make it), and discuss and post the consequences for the above actions.
Easy peasy. Ha! I'll let you know how it goes.
Cheers,
Megs
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