There are always ups and downs in life. This is just the inevitable fact of it. Some people are really good at rolling with those hills. Others get a little nauseous.
Dear Husband is the former.
Dear me is the latter.
The word "steady" would rarely be used to describe my emotional state at any given moment. I've been told that being around me is like riding an express elevator of emotions. As much as I hate to admit it - it's entirely true.
You see, I wish I could be steady. I wish I could be a solid foundation. I wish I could keep my rational sense about me. I wish I could see through the emotion of a moment to the other side. I wish I could be more like DH.
But I'm can't.
Because I'm not.
Ever since I can remember, I've kept my emotions under close guard until I explode - either through frustration or tears or joy. It doesn't matter the emotion. Eventually it will come out all at once. Sometimes all three all at once!
I can get emotional about anything. I internalize everything. I explain it by saying I'm very empathetic. DH explains it by saying I'm irrational. Probably both are true. It's hard for me to separate myself from a situation. Thus why we had to quit watching Criminal Minds. I was internalizing the show much too much. And also why I cry at certain commercials. Or when reading sentimental cards.
I have started to notice how my up and down of emotions is affecting my family. The kids have begun mimicking my valleys and hills. I don't know if they realize what they are doing but they will be perfectly happy one minute then crying the next. They say kids pick up on the emotions of the adults around them. Why couldn't they pick up DH's emotions???
I believe emotions are healthy. Expressing those emotions is healthier yet. However, the severe ups and downs do make it hard to predict one's responses or ability to handle certain situations. When the response is unknown, one might take steps to avoid it altogether. This has happened a lot between DH and I. He doesn't know how I'll react or he assumes how I'll react so he avoids the situation. Or the conversation. Besides comparing me to an elevator, he's also described me as a dolphin and he a steady ship. The dolphin goes up and down through the waves as the ship steers its course breaking through the current.
He is the rational one. He is the rock of the family. He is my steady and true. This is good. It keeps me grounded. It keeps us on course. But it also makes it difficult to have spontaneous discussions and develop what if scenarios. For example, the discussion of the third child. I definitely go back and forth. He stays true to his feelings. This gets frustrating for me because I want to convince him to do it but because I'm not 100% convinced myself, he doesn't buy my arguments.
I am convinced, however, that one can't be steady all the time. Emotions come out at one point or another. It's the balance in life. The key is to find someone who is steady as you skyrocket and fall or vice versa. Balance. Balancing relationships. Balancing emotions.
Finding this balance isn't easy. I was lucky enough to find a person who brings me into balance the majority of the time. I pray he continues to have patience and understanding with me!
Cheers,
Megs
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