Day 46 - Almost There!

I guess I need to rename my titles "Post 46" versus "Day."  I've definitely fallen off the posting-every-day wagon.  

But, alas, I have good reason!!

Besides a whirlwind trip to visit grandparents six hours away and the usual home maintenance things plus Tball and dance for Little Man and Little Miss respectively and trying to cook in our makeshift kitchen....Dear Husband has been working diligently on the kitchen.  I mean.....REALLY diligently. 

Here is where I've been cooking recently and an example of the methods I've resorted to:

Here is what the paint job and sanded floors look like.  We had our guy finish them over the long weekend so we came home to beautiful albeit smelly floors.  

And here is a teaser for the cabinets and appliances.  LOVE:

Remodeling teaches us many things.  It teaches us to be resourceful and challenges our patience...on many levels.  I'm always amazed at how messy it can be but what surprised me this go around was how smelly it was!  Paint fumes I expected but the floor finish plus the cabinet smell made us all nauseous the first night back.  Thus I've spent the last two nights washing sheets so we aren't breathing in the fumes all night long!  I'm sure our clothes will smell lovely for awhile....but I'll be darned if I'm washing all of those!!

I'll be sure to give the final reveal next week!  And I'll try to do better at posting this week. 

In the meantime, if you're bored, we still have trim to paint!

Cheers, 

Megs

Day 45 - In the Works

I know I haven't been as consistent posting lately.

But in a couple days, I'll put up some pics of the remodel so you can see why I haven't been able to post!

Things are really coming together and I'm getting pretty durn excited.  Hopefully I'll have a real kitchen back soon!

So stay tuned....


Cheers,
Megs

Day 44 - Express Elevator

There are always ups and downs in life.  This is just the inevitable fact of it.  Some people are really good at rolling with those hills.  Others get a little nauseous.

Dear Husband is the former.

Dear me is the latter.

The word "steady" would rarely be used to describe my emotional state at any given moment.  I've been told that being around me is like riding an express elevator of emotions.  As much as I hate to admit it - it's entirely true.

You see, I wish I could be steady.  I wish I could be a solid foundation.  I wish I could keep my rational sense about me.  I wish I could see through the emotion of a moment to the other side.  I wish I could be more like DH.

But I'm can't.

Because I'm not.

Ever since I can remember, I've kept my emotions under close guard until I explode - either through frustration or tears or joy.  It doesn't matter the emotion.  Eventually it will come out all at once.  Sometimes all three all at once!

I can get emotional about anything.  I internalize everything.  I explain it by saying I'm very empathetic.  DH explains it by saying I'm irrational.  Probably both are true.  It's hard for me to separate myself from a situation.  Thus why we had to quit watching Criminal Minds.  I was internalizing the show much too much.  And also why I cry at certain commercials.  Or when reading sentimental cards.

I have started to notice how my up and down of emotions is affecting my family.  The kids have begun mimicking my valleys and hills.  I don't know if they realize what they are doing but they will be perfectly happy one minute then crying the next.  They say kids pick up on the emotions of the adults around them.  Why couldn't they pick up DH's emotions???

I believe emotions are healthy.  Expressing those emotions is healthier yet.  However, the severe ups and downs do make it hard to predict one's responses or ability to handle certain situations.  When the response is unknown, one might take steps to avoid it altogether.  This has happened a lot between DH and I.  He doesn't know how I'll react or he assumes how I'll react so he avoids the situation.  Or the conversation.  Besides comparing me to an elevator, he's also described me as a dolphin and he a steady ship.  The dolphin goes up and down through the waves as the ship steers its course breaking through the current.

He is the rational one.  He is the rock of the family.  He is my steady and true.  This is good.  It keeps me grounded.  It keeps us on course.  But it also makes it difficult to have spontaneous discussions and develop what if scenarios.  For example, the discussion of the third child.  I definitely go back and forth.  He stays true to his feelings.  This gets frustrating for me because I want to convince him to do it but because I'm not 100% convinced myself, he doesn't buy my arguments.

I am convinced, however, that one can't be steady all the time.  Emotions come out at one point or another.  It's the balance in life.  The key is to find someone who is steady as you skyrocket and fall or vice versa.  Balance.   Balancing relationships.  Balancing emotions.

Finding this balance isn't easy.  I was lucky enough to find a person who brings me into balance the majority of the time.  I pray he continues to have patience and understanding with me!

Cheers,
Megs

Day 43 - Mother's Day

Today was/is Mother's Day.  A day to honor, remember, and appreciate our mothers and those who have shown us motherly love.  Motherhood extends far beyond those that physically brought us into this world.  It extends to all those who have guided us and nurtured our lives within this world.

I was recently shown a blog post that was an open letter to pastors.  It addressed the issue of Sunday morning church when the mothers are given a blessing (usually as they stand).  The author felt particularly uncomfortable and angry when she could not stand.  So she wrote the following reflection for pastors to consider:

http://www.messymiddle.com/2012/05/10/an-open-letter-to-pastors-a-non-mom-speaks-about-mothers-day/

Since I had recently read this blog, I wondered what today's Mass would be like.  There would be plenty of mothers there, certainly.  Would they give flowers to the mothers like they used to do at my hometown parish?  Would there be a standing blessing?  Would he say anything?  Would the homily be about mothers?  After all, the parish is named after the Mother of Jesus!

No mention was made except during the prayers of intention.  And then at the end.  He made an excellent point of being very inclusive of those mothers and those that give motherly love.  And gifts were given out in the gathering space after Mass was 100% over to pretty much any female that showed an indication of wanting one.  They were magnets with a blessing for daughters of God.

I thought that the way the priest and parish handled Mothers' Day was quite respectful and inclusive.

I do get slightly perturbed at people who believe no blessing should be given at church to Mothers or Fathers or Grandparents or whomever on their respectful days.  It's not just a blessing for those physically there but also for those held in our hearts.  That extends to the mystical nature of the Catholic Church (an entire blog altogether!).  We don't believe we are singular in the celebration of Mass.  Those in our hearts and thoughts are with us there as well.

So on this Mother's Day, blessings are extended to mothers, grandmothers, godmothers, aunts, aunties, and any and all women who show motherly love to others.  May understanding and strength continue to be your blessings.

Cheers,
Megs

Day 42 - Progress on the house...

Things are coming along.  Today was one of the final messy days (I hope!).  Electrical got 99% finished, sheetrock went up, taping and mudding got through phase one and our floor got another cleaning.

Yesterday, our walls looked like this:

Tonight, after the hard work of Dear Husband and Dear Father-in-Law and Mother-in-Law, the walls looked like this:

And our dog looked like this:

BIG HUGE WONDERFUL Thank You to my family who has taken on this whole project especially my parents in law and DH.  They travel to work on this and it's much appreciated.  Also a big thanks to my parents for taking the kids or feeding us dinner and listening to us talk about it on a daily basis.  

We couldn't do things like this without our families and friends.  

Cheers, 

Megs

Day 41 - Darkness and Light

A few days ago, I reflected on nurturing relationships.  Meeting the person you are with where they are at during a certain emotional time.  Being present.  Obviously this extends to all our relationships, but especially to our kids.

A struggle I've been having lately is feeling a different connection with my children.  The bond with Little Man is unique and one I don't have with Little Miss.  Maybe she and I are bonded differently and it's more subtle (if that word can be used to describe the two of us!).  I worry, though, that the more tangible connection I have with Little Man negatively affects my relationship with Little Miss.  Probably unfounded but a mom will worry.

With Little Man, I was blessed to stay at home for his first two years.  I worked, but I could also go to story time and do things during the day.  There was more one-on-one when he was tiny.  We would sit in the yard on a blanket and watch ants and the clouds and put our feet on the grass.  We'd take tons of walks and listen to music.  

With Little Miss, I started working part time when she was just a couple months old and that quickly grew to full time.  She started daycare at 8 months and has been there since.  I carry that guilt with me.  I feel like I've missed out on so much time because of work.  However, I also recognize that had I not gone to work and had some adult interaction, the year Dear Husband was deployed would have been a much darker time for me.

So maybe it's the fact that she had her one-on-one time with other kids and adults versus me that has created the different connection.

I'll also admit that after I had Little Miss, I was slipping into depression.  I was in a dark place for quite awhile.  Not publicly but privately; it was pretty unhappy.  We found out about DH's deployment when I was newly pregnant with her so that doom lurked over me like a cloak waiting to envelope me for much of that time.  I was so excited when she came but somehow felt separate from her.  The fact that I started working soon after added to the weight of the cloak.  Then a couple months after that, I had to stop nursing.  Again, the cloak got heavier.

Not having DH there to help pull me out only made it worse.  I had a lot of good moments but there were some really unhappy ones where the whining and crying and wants and needs became too much and I yelled and snapped and was irrational.  I hope and pray daily that the more memories we make post-deployment, the less my kids remember me during deployment.  I was not a happy mom or wife.

It's hard to admit any of that because there's the expectation that military wives are superwomen.  We can handle it.  We've been prepped for it.  No matter how many times a deployment happens, though, one is never prepared.  Life changes.  Circumstances change.  They only become more difficult.

It's also hard to admit any of this because of DH.  Who am I to complain when he missed an entire year of our lives?  Birthdays, Christmas, first steps, words, trips, etc.  I don't think I'll ever comprehend the depth of his sorrow or guilt for being gone.  I understand the reasoning behind those feelings but I haven't even been gone from them more than a few nights versus an entire year.  Who am I to say anything about that year?

So maybe it's because she came at a darker time in life that has developed this separated feeling.  As I type this, though, I'm realizing it's probably more frustration at myself for not allowing her to lighten that time of my life.

Whatever it may be (and it's probably a combination of all), I have guilt for feeling this way.  I need to love my children equitably.  I do, but I don't always feel that way.

How does one nurture that connection?  How does one create/strengthen the bond?

Life is drastically different now.  I'm a much healthier version of myself mentally.  The cloak has been pushed off and that weight is significantly less now.  I still feel waves of it occasionally - usually when I'm tired or irritable.  Then the snappiness and yelling returns.  Then the guilt comes full strength for allowing the darkness to reenter in to my life.  It's a snowball effect.

My challenge to myself is to make the effort to connect deeper with Little Miss.  To create our moments and memories.  To push that darkness further away and allow her incredible light in.  She has a beautiful, independent spirit that I want to nurture and help grow.  She is going to move mountains and I want to be her support to do so.

I just need to find the stepping off point.

....

Cheers,
Megs

Day 40 - Be kind to one another...

I've been reflective lately and jotting down ideas for future posts.  I'm really excited about them!

But as I went through the process of writing and developing this blog, I decided I would rough out a schedule of what days to post certain subjects.  That would help balance this whole thing and I wouldn't bore you with the details of our kitchen remodel.   (Which is going alright, thank you for asking!)

So Wednesdays are my night of focusing on one person, place, or thing that I am obsessed/in love with.    The reflective stuff will have to wait for the proper nights because...

Tonight, the person is ELLEN!

My goodness - this woman is incredibly inspirational.  So completely genuine and honest and funny!  Even Little Miss is obsessed with "the funny girl."  Somewhere on my phone or computer I have video of her sobbing on the floor of the kitchen because Ellen's show went to commercial and she thought the funny girl wasn't coming back.  It's heartbreaking and hilarious as only a child can be.

The reasons I'm slightly obsessed with her include (but are not exclusive to) the following:

- She stands up for what she believes in
- She truly believes in being kind to others and acts on that constantly
- Her goal in life is to make others happy
- She is hilarious.

She is the kind of person one would think they could sit down and have a nice cup of coffee with.  I love being able to sit down at 4:00 and watch her show with the kids.

Here are some clips from her show that had me laughing out loud at work today:



See what I mean?  She just brings joy to life.

Happy Wednesday!

Cheers,
Megs

Day 39 - Monday Munchies

Mondays are food days.  It gives me some balance at the beginning of the week.  I look over our menu for the week and double check any meetings or activities that we have going on.  It helps me set the week.

That's dinner.

Lunches are a whole different story.

I struggle when packing lunches.  I want Little Man to have a good variety of foods and stuff he likes so he'll eat it and things that are easy to toss in the lunchbox.  The great thing is that leftovers are always acceptable since he can heat things up at school.  The bad thing is that he's not always keen on those leftovers.

So I consulted a very trusted source:  my sister-in-law.  She has two boys going to school so I figured she had to have some great lunch ideas in her back pocket.  Plus if I could tell Little Man that Cousin #1 and Cousin #2 had favorite lunches, he might be more keen on eating them.

Here are some go-to winners for those days you are stuck:

Granola with yogurt, hard-boiled egg, and fruit - Little Man's and Cousin #2's favorite
Tuna Salad packs with fruit - Cousin #1's favorite, not so much for Little Man
Homemade lunchables (cheese, crackers, meat, fruit, veg, treat)
Meat and Cheese sandwich with chips, fruit, yogurt/gogurt
Vegs with hummus, crackers, and string cheese
Trail mix (almonds, craisins, choc chips or M&Ms) with yogurt, fruit
Mini banana muffins with fruit, yogurt
"Grilled" cheese (toast with sliced cheese wrapped in foil to warm up in the oven), crackers, fruit, veg
Cheese wrap (taco shell with shredded cheese in it - wrapped in foil to warm up in the oven), fruit, veg
And, of course, leftovers

To give you an idea of the leftovers, tomorrow he is having the hamburger he didn't eat for dinner.  I wrapped it in foil so he could warm it up.  He's also having cantaloupe and green pepper slices with hummus.  I thought about chips, but I'm sure he'd eat those instead of his lunch so I'll save those for after school snack.

Coming up with the sides can sometimes be a pain, too.  My fruits/vegs include:
Applesauce (in the to-go squeeze packs)
Fresh fruit (apple - small ones, cuties oranges, banana, mango slices, pineapple chunks, cantaloupe chunks, or watermelon - slices or chunks)
Fresh vegs (carrots, celery sticks, cucumbers, broccoli, cauliflower, sugar snap peas, pepper strips)

For yogurts, I try to get Greek yogurts (he loves honey-vanilla).  They have more protein so it's more bang for the buck.  Gogurts are handy, too, because I freeze them and use them as the ice pack.  By lunch, they are thawed.

I used to put a treat in daily but he was eating that and not the rest of his lunch so I cut back.  Now it's actually a treat when I sneak one in there!  I also use the trail mix to fill out a lunch if I think it's a bit light.

Looking at the list, I realize I'm spoiling him with lunches.  Growing up, we usually got PB & J or Honey, chips, applesauce or cut up bananas.  Done and done.  We also usually got a sweet note on our napkins.  My mom never would have catered to our tastebuds for cold lunch.  But she also had six kids.  Might be a different story next year when Little Miss joins him in the school lunches.  I'm going to have to come up with a weekly menu and rotate it!

Hopefully you can find some ideas to get you through the next lunch rut, either for your kids or you!

If you are still stuck, check out this chick's master list (and super cute pics):  http://wendolonia.com/blog/bento-box-basics/lunch-box-idea-list/ .  I've gotten a ton of ideas from her.
(Although I still haven't looked in depth as to what bento boxes are....any clues?  The seem complicated!)

Cheers,
Megs

Day 38 - Sundays...

I got nothing.

Tonight is an inspirational-less.

I'm sitting eating leftover (delicious!) Tiramisu from the local Italian restaurant.

And watching Scandal.

And I can't think of anything to write.  Kind of lame, right?

Few highlights from today:

Amazing Sunday morning pre-church - lots of time to play (considering Little Man was up at 6:30)
First Communion at church - such cute little babes!
Great lunch with grandparents
Working in flower gardens at grandparents' house
Amazing Cinco De Mayo dinner
Electrical work halfway done by Dear Husband (and friend, i.e. licensed electrician)

It was nice being out of the house for the day.  It gave me a chance to hang out with the kids and my parents.  I didn't have to do any of the 100 things on my list (except I did make enchiladas - triple batch!).  But I also got to dig in the dirt with my kids.  I discovered that Little Miss is extremely terrified of worms ("snakes") and any bug that flies and that Little Man will protect his sister against those aggressors (by "sucking them up in a vacuum").

I discovered that I have no idea where to start in the clean up of our own flower beds.  Or under the trees.  Or the bushes.  I don't even know what any of the plants are.  Well, except the one tree I had to take a picture of to send to the extension agency because Ellie was eating the berries.  It's a Mountain Ash - non poisonous.   Good thing, because there's no way of getting that dog to stop eating.

I discovered that my husband constantly amazes me with his patience and skills.  He worked all day to figure out the new lights and he has plans for the rest of the month to finish this project.  This is between teaching full time, coordinating track, going to drill weekends, and being a dad and husband.  See - amazing.

(Sigh)

Time for me to step it up.  Painting - here I come!!!

...

Have I mentioned that I detest painting?  In every sense of the word.  But if DH can put in this much time and sweat and stress so far, the least I can do is roll up my sleeves and some walls!

Cheers,
Megs

Day 37 - oh man

So funny Friday didn't happen. (Sigh) second time I haven't posted and the only excuse this time was that I was tired. Bone freaking tired.

Today is supposed to be house stuff. But I'm maxed on that. Well actually i'm getting to a turn around point. Last week was MESSY.  Dust and insulation were EVERYWHERE.  Ugh. So gross. We covered stuff but it still got everywhere.

Today I decided to take charge.  Well I took charge of what Dear Husband and I discussed. All the furniture went to the basement. The dishwasher no longer is being used.  Cooking station will soon relocate to the garage.  Ah!

The focus this week has been in electrical so DH cut the holes is the Sheetrock where the canned lights will go and the pendants.  He also had to tear out more Sheetrock behind the stove. Luckily we have an electrician friend coming tomorrow to help get it all wired. Woohoo!!  But that means a whole day of not being at the house.  And because I spent today cleaning instead of making the triple dish of enchiladas and shredded chicken double batch, I gotta figure out when I'm going to make that!!

Ugh.  Anyway I'll post some updated pics soon.

Cheers,
Megs

Day 36 - Seeing Tantrums Differently

Tonight Little Miss and Little Man are once again sleeping in the same room.  The same bed in fact.  Little Man at the head and Little Miss at the foot.

I remember doing that when I was little.

There was something special about getting to share your bed with your sibling or friend who might as well have been a sibling.  There was a special connection there.

Our two wanted to sleep in the same room and hadn't since we moved to the new house two-and-a-half months ago.  Up until then, they had shared a room since Little Miss was six months old.  As much as our two fight, they have a connection.  It's usually them against us.  They have connected heart to heart.  Kids can do that.  They naturally want to do that.  They yearn for connections to other people.  As adults, I think we have developed walls and defense mechanisms because we have learned that sometimes those connections get broken.  And brokenness hurts.   Sometimes the brokenness hurts for longs periods of time and we don't want to connect with others.

But our kids haven't been met with that yet.  I would hope that no child experiences that brokenness until they are adults, but unfortunately, that is not the way of the world.

All this leads me to a blog I have recently discovered:  consciouslyparenting.blogspot.com .  She is a therapist who specializes in attachment and relationships.   The one particular post that has stuck with me is "An Alternative View of Tantrums and Emotional Upsets."

It put the little tricks I practiced when one of my dears was trying to burst my eardrums from screaming on their head.

She says that "Nurturing relationships is about taking the time and making the space for connection.  Not just being in the same room or not interrupting.  But connecting heart to heart....Nurturing relationships means moving in closer when others might back away."

This thought process can influence many aspects of our lives.  Like when we are in the middle of cooking dinner and our little one comes up to show us their masterpiece created from scraps of paper, glue, and crayons, and we say "Yah.  I like that" without much of a glance.  We don't see their disappointed look because we are stirring the pot.

Or when our spouse comes home after a long day and we let them fester in their sullenness alone or, worse, take their sullenness as a personal affront.

Or when our little one doesn't get the last piece of chocolate and throws a major fit and we move them to their room for a time out/chill out/get yourself in check.

 We are told to ignore tantrums or put kids in timeout or mirror what they are doing.  Or we give in.  Or we fix it.

But what do we want when we are having a really crappy, down in the dumps, nothing goes right moment...or day...or week?   We want someone to listen to us vent then give us a hug or a hand squeeze or anything to show they listened and heard what we said.

So why would we deny our kids the same?

The Golden Rule:  Treat others as we would like to be treated.

So why treat our kids differently when they are upset than we want to be treated?  How would we feel if our spouse put us in timeout when we were venting or if they just repeated what we were saying or if they ignored us?

It's different, though, for adults.  We have the words to express our feelings (most times).  Kids don't.  However, just because they can't verbally express their feelings doesn't make those feelings less valid or real.

Our job as parents is to support our kids.  They are going to want to do some crazy-ass shit.  Like move to a reservation as a single woman all alone in her first years of teaching.  Or move to Chicago to try become an actress.  Or go bushwhacking through a jungle only to be chased by a wild boar.  Or join the military.  Or try five different schools with five different majors.

Those are my siblings and me.  We did that.  And even though my parents didn't agree with us all the time, they supported us.  My mom and dad are my heroes when it comes to parenting.  I know I can still go crying to my mom and she won't brush me off or fix my problem or half-ass listen to me.  She will sit there and hug me and wait for me to talk.

That's the kind of parent I want to be.

It starts when our little ones are still little.  When they are throwing the fit because they can't have the last piece of chocolate.  This isn't to say we give in.  We don't give in.  But we don't push them away from us.  We don't mock them.  We don't fix them.  We treat them as we would want to be treated.  We allow them to express their emotions and are patient with them.  We stay with them in their emotional state.  There are times we don't want to.  We don't want to listen to them cry.  But if we are truly present with them and their emotions, it shall pass sooner than later.

This is something I'm learning.  Being present with my children is more important than the laundry or getting dinner on the table at exactly 6:00 or putting them in their beds no later than 8:00 or any of the other 100 things I usually have spinning through my head.  I will always have 100 different things spinning through my head.  Little Man will only be 4 years and 10 months old once.  Little Miss will only be three years and one and a half months old once.

We are their foundation.  We are what they will come back to in the future (or, if we fail, what they will avoid).  We are their steady ships.  We are their first connections.   That is the most important thing to nurture in this moment.

Cheers,
Megs

Day 35 - Obsession Wednesday

Last night I said I was tired. And I think the night before.  See a common theme here?

But tonight, it's for real. I'm writing this with eight minutes left to spare in the day which means I'm two hours past my "get in bed now" time.  Tomorrow morning will be rough.

So my obsession tonight is my bed.  I really am obsessed with it.  It is incredibly comfy and just envelopes you when you lay down.  Which will also make tomorrow morning rough.  Argh.

Therefore, this is short.  Sleep well all!

Cheers,
Megs