I'm weighed by a heavy heart this week. A dear friend's dad passed away on Monday. Luckily she was able to complete her all-night drive and be there an hour before he passed.
He was one of the most generous and genuine spirits I've ever known. I grew up with her and thus him. He coached me in softball. I went on trips with them. I had sleepovers at their house. I ate dinners and went to Christmas parties and worked on projects at their house. They came to our wedding. They gave my kids their first baseball gloves that they now use for t-ball.
He had cancer. We knew this was coming but that never prepares one for it. It's heartbreakingly sad. He was my friend's kindred spirit. I was often jealous of their relationship because they were so close.
When I got the news, I wanted to go home and be by myself. I wanted time for my brain to process it. I wanted to go find my dad. I wanted to call my mom. I wanted to call my friend.
But I couldn't. You see, even though life throws us huge challenges and emotional heartache to deal with individually, we aren't in this by ourselves. I couldn't go straight home after work. Groceries needed to be bought. Little Miss had dance class. Little Man was throwing fits beyond fits that needed to be handled. Dinner needed to be made. Heads put to bed. Etc. There has been no time to grieve. Eventually there will be but life continues to move on. Grief must enter into that movement.
It's been a couple days since he died. There still hasn't been a moment to grieve fully. I guess that's not how it happens. This isn't a movie. You don't get to sit in a bathroom and cry for hours. You have to get up and go to work and take care of your babies and house and dog.
I guess that's okay. Instead of wallowing in the grief, I was pushed through the so-called five stages of grief into the final one: acceptance. I knew he wouldn't want us sitting around being sad. That wasn't who he was. Instead, he'd want us to throw a party and celebrate his life. I think a lot of people are like that. We don't want our loved ones to be burdened by our deaths. We want them to celebrate our lives, remember the great moments, and continue living. We want them to remember us fondly but not fixate on the fact that we are no longer around.
So that's what I'm planning on doing. We will be there for my friend and her mom and sister. We will celebrate a great man's life. We will share stories and look at pictures and remember him. We will laugh. We will cry. We will contemplate. We will pray. We will strive to better ourselves.
Life is a cycle. It doesn't stop when we need it to; it just keeps going. And we need to roll with it.
Cheers,
Megs
